Nick Offerman

DON'T TREAD WATER FOR TOO LONG, LEST YOU CRAMP UP AND SINK. Follow your gut, make a choice, and throw yourself into it. If you make a mistake, then you have merely afforded yourself a valuable lesson. "It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed." - Teddy Roosevelt

We met in the theatre in Los Angeles, our company the Evidence Room. Her stance on canoes is, of course, seated. One should not stand on canoes. She loves to paddle just like her dear old husband, and boy, howdy, does she look good doing it.

Hello. Sharpie makes some excellent moustache enhancing implements.

Dear Some Guy and Snowflake, the "Ask" portion of "Ask Me Anything", intimates that your submission should bear an enquiry of some nature.

1) Find work that you love to do, and then find a way to get paid to do that work. 2) Always maintain the attitude of a student. If you think you've done learning, bitterness sets in, but if you have more to achieve every day, in any arena, that makes each morning's awakening full of potential and cheery portent.

My gorgeous wife and I share the trait or affliction of the full-on workaholic. We love getting to perform creative work, and we a very lucky to have constant opportunities to do so, which makes our mutual challenge to find time to put our feet up and fuck off. We work hard so that when break time arrives, we may play hard, and I'll let you do with that what you will.

1) Certainly. Ingest an adequate quantity of dance fuel (Snake Juice, where available, otherwise any potent hootch), close your eyes, and shake what Mother Nature gave you. 2) Read Fine Woodworking magazine, start small with a block plane and a chisel and a spokeshave. Matriculate.

I either inhale a bodacious quantity of smoke into my lungs, and then HOLD it, or I eat food items that have been prepared with a delicious pinch of THC.

Hanging doors is tricky in any case, so I would recommend that you take your time, keeping it loose, and attempt to laugh when it's difficult. When Megan and I hang doors, she manages the hardware, and I keep my face buried in her ample bush, which usually makes the task right satisfying.

My first guess would be yes.

I rib. My second guess would that you need to use a hard enough wood, like oak, walnut, maple, cherry, ash, etc. A softwood like pine will be more apt to crack under the leverage.

Also, make sure the grain is running parallel to the length of the implement, as opposed to across it.

Mallard, Teal...that neighborhood.

Thank you, that is magnificent and confusing! I look like I am being anally probed in each iteration, which is good, as I am of an age whereupon I should have my prostate checked regularly. Which reminds me - if you haven't seen John Mulaney's bit on Xanax, youtube that badboy, it's goddamn triumphant.

I am honored.

I have seen nicer. You should look at more pictures.

Through mere luck of the draw, I was handed an incredible episode, in story and location and guest stars. On one wednesday, I directed (on top of Amy, Pratt and Adam Scott) Bo Burnham, Jeff Tweedy of Wilco, and Sam Elliott, with whom I am openly in man-love. I suppose I will always prefer the actual clowning in front of the camera, as "falling down" seems to be the arena in which I display the most acumen, but when I can get behind the lens and lend a collaborative hand, it is most edifying. Some BIG shit goes down in this ep, and Adam plays one of the most hilarious and original drunks I've ever seen.

Patrick,

Happy Birthday. Go to LeeValley.com and get yourself a nicer little combination square by Starrett. Here is a Teddy quote for your frame:

"I wish to preach, not the doctrine of ignoble ease, but the doctrine of the strenuous life."

Bearded Whisky-tender,

Happy Birthday. Sounds like you're rather set up in life wealth, so mind your manners and carry on.

On both Jump Street films, I worked the very first day of production, and my scenes will serve a similar purpose in both films: to send these 2 lovable jackanapes bounding off into inglorious fortune. They are sweet as pie, and we have a very good time giggling and improvising, whilst fingering each others tickle-spots.

on my plate.

With all of the visual distraction constantly inundating us in the form of our devices and screens, I really derive a great deal of pleasure from watching the sun rise and set, admiring clouds as they change shape across the sky, watching tree leaves and blossoms undulate in the breeze....these treats foment an ocular-cleansing refreshment to my way of thinking.

I love a series of books that perpetually fleshes out a world, like Wendell Berry's Fiction (start with The Memory of Old Jack or Nathan Coulter), The Lord of The Rings, Madeline L'engle's Wrinkle In Time series, The Horatio Hornblower series, Patrick O'Brien's 21-volume Aubrey/Maturin series, The Flashman Papers, The Sharpe series, Little House On The Prairie, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, Martin Amis' Dead Babies and Time's Arrow, As I Lay Dying, Michael Pollan's entire catalogue, for a start.

go to fine woodworking.com and check out their "new tool reviews" and gift ideas, also Leevalley.com, and read reviews before spending money on any gadgets. Or just a quantity of a local wood from a local sawyer is always nice.

Great question, because that is actually the point where we draw the line at OffermanWoodshop.com Shops that need to crank out drawers for casework in homes, or are manufacturing furniture in production usually prefer the supposedly time-saving convenience of dovetail router jigs, but we feel that the integrity of that noble joint deserves hand-crafted attention. Once you get the techniques down, I also don't feel like it takes that much longer. Wherever we can, we try to maintain our practice of hand-crafting with as little machine work as possible, which of course differs with every project.

Pussycake

Gruyere, no reason necessary. Hard cheddars also set my motor to running. Estero Gold.

Bratwurst.

Working in animation is a goddamn blast, because without photography, one can then embody any character that your voice can achieve. An old weed farmer, a vengeful Irish Pirate, a wee baby porcupine....it's super fun.

I study the guitar.

FlexCut makes really great carving tools that we rely on at OWS. They have a really cool kit that's one handle with about 8 assorted replaceable blades that i love to take on the road... The most important aspects of any carving tool are its ability to maintain a sharp edge, and the user's ability to sharpen it and then use it safely without lopping off a finger.

Megan and I are gearing up to stat touring together in a show we're calling: SUMMER OF 69 (no apostrophe) So far we have dates in DC, NY, Boston, and California. There is a calendar page at Offermanwoodshop.com that lists our show dates as they are confirmed, and also at our Facebook thing, which I am not good at.

As an avid life-long reader and lover of books, I am hugely humbled and grateful to have the chance to share my thoughts and views and stories in book form. Writing my first book was incredibly gratifying, and now I have begun book 2, which will be a list of Great Americans, with an eye towards exploring how we continue to evolve as a civilization through civil disobedience, muckraking, and rebellious thinking.

That's a tough one. Amy Poehler is our champion and leader, and I would have to say she is #1 Chris Pratt is a true comic genius so he's #1.1 Aziz makes anything he says ridiculously funny and Aubrey has a delightfully wicked flavor of evil mischief so they're maybe tied at #1.15 Adam Scott is not behind the folks previously mentioned, plus he wields a mighty sword as a straight man. He's in the #1.05 region. Retta shares Aziz's propensity for simply laying out deliciously crisp one-liners, so I'd rank her in the top 6 as well.... I think that's everybody.

The sheer delight I witness upon my audience's faces and in their britches when I bobble my rump about in impossible arcs of nature's graceful majesty, like a funky young brown bear hopped up on blueberries and mescaline.

yes. Huckleberry.

Hard to choose from this list, although the first 3 have the greatest old-school bushes: Megan Mullally Jon Glaser Carl Reiner Sam Elliott Ben Schwartz Jenny Slate Bo Burnham Jeff Tweedy Colin Meloy Nick Kroll (decent bush) Lucy Lawless Matt Besser Mo Collins Fred Armisen (shaver - thumbs down) Andy Samberg Kathryn Hahn Paul Rudd (crazy back bush) Louis C.K. and on for days.

ok, straight Corn Liquor with a drop of dandelion wine that has run down the lush valley between my wife's ponderous poonts.

Mix honey, nut-sweat, rosemary, alfalfa hay, cherry sawdust, Ox penis-milk, and raw Belgian cave cheese with a mortar and pestle. Spread the resultant glory-paste upon a slice of fresh-baked artisan sourdough. Gently press this open-faced poultice into your in-snorting visage and you're welcome.

Maybe try a breadbox first.

They contacted me to collaborate with me on a t-shirt bearing my image as well as the OWS logo, which was a very stand-up thing to do. They are good folks, doing business with integrity, and literally the only t-shirt makers who have behaved honorably. There are a great many other t-shirt hawkers selling my image for their own profit, which seems shameful to me.

I do not have a preference. So long as I am alive and I can enjoy the walking of my legs and the manufacturing of my arms and the fornicating of my pikestaff and apples, you may be-fur my head as you deem fit.

I will most likely never see a role as delightful to me in every way as that of Ron Swanson. Others I have loved include John Proctor in The Crucible, Michael Rowen in The Kentucky Cycle, Frank Toy in Kings of Summer, Metal Beard, Axe Cop.

1) ... 2) ... 3) I am excited to see what life's fecund pastures have in store. I have some more book ideas, I always have plenty to make at my shop, and I hope to work as an actor in theater and film and animation and even television if something good comes along. I will always endeavor to please my wife and fraternize with my family and friends, hopefully in a fishing vessel, and cook a great deal of flesh on my sweet-ass grill.

I don't really categorize roles that way. I love to perform good writing with talented collaborators, and so if those are large roles or supporting, in indie films or studio pictures, it is all pleasing to some degree.

Make her a gift with love. Surprise with your thoughtful effort, and that will surpass any purchasable.

There are a great many libations that are most blessed to the palate. The Balvenie makes an assortment of whiskys that never fail to bring a smile to my belly. Yamazaki in Japan makes a hell of a fine beverage. Templeton Rye goes quickly around the friday night bonfires at OWS. Oban, Talisker, Caol Ila, Laphroaig, ARDBEG, I could go on.

I was invited to speak at some colleges, and performing as "myself" was not something in which I had heretofore engaged. I relished the opportunity to speak to the young minds of our nation, so I wrote my show American Ham to try and lend some guidance to students, and it ended being half-way decent advice for people in general. I added some silly songs to try and keep people chuckling as the medicine is being administered, and it really ended up a great deal of fun. American Ham will be airing on Netflix this summer, I believe.

Amana makes some very nice products, but the industry is always moving, shaking and improving, so I usually Google reviews of new tools when I want to replace something.

with a block plane and chisels and a spokeshave, you can make smaller items in any room of the house. a small lathe is also a great choice for a variety of output/not a lot of space required. Knitting is also surprisingly fun and clean!

What's not to like?

Can't miss with The Balvenie. Their cask master David Stewart oversees every blend himself, like a barley malt wizard. LAGAVULIN 16.

Fool's Issue ZaZZaa? Name your own goddamn child, for shame. It's not a pony. (if you get a pony, name it Glamdring or SkyHorse)

in mouth.

These, and many more, questions are answered in full in the first few chapters of my tome, Paddle Your Own Canoe.

I would make a small sled for the table saw, on which sits an adjustable fence, that can be set at any angle you require. Using stop blocks and hold-downs will ensure your sizes are of a piece and that the dowel won't spin. I prefer the table saw to a chop saw for accurate work, and it's also less dangerous.

the pilot?

Myself at age 17 or 18. I could have used it.

Please send photos of his mother?

Annapurna at the Acorn Theater (New Group) in New York City on the Isle of Manhattan promises a full catharsis to each and every supplicant. It's a really gripping piece of writing by Sharr White that has really delicious roles for Megan and myself, which is incredible to find, a 90-minute play for just the 2 of us. We play a married couple who haven't seen each other for 20 years, coming back to ether to hash out some long-buried shit. Through June 1.

Inside Fassbender.

Some folks who don't get a lot of play on here, as questions are often Parks-centric: Rob Corddry David Wain Phil Lord Chris Miller Jason Mantzoukas Rob Huebel

you are in a community teeming with the most original and inspiring theater artists in the country. Go to the theater. A Red Orchid, Midnight Circus, Remy Bummpo, Steppenwolf...

That Ox was delicious.

That is merely one example of how incongruously enjoyable my job is. My day's work was to subject myself to the passionate kisses of a cute puppy, with the simple caveat that I was to retain a steely demeanor. Such gifts of fortune make me constantly aware of my good luck, which in turn makes me mind my manners, so as not to sour the karma.

you bet your sweet tits.

Your powers of investigation could use some bolstering.

Are you human? Than likely so.

If I ever try to tackle fiction, I would hope to land somewhere between the oeuvres of David Foster Wallace, George Saunders, and Robert Anton Wilson, but of course not nearly as good as those master wordsmiths. I'd be better off chasing Wendell Berry, as I feel his simplicity of narrative might be more within my reach. Having written this answer makes the notion seem unlikely.

Dutch Taylor U.S. Taylor Rooster Taylor Chase N. Taylor Cotton Taylor Dewey Taylor Elizabeth Taylor?

inject him with poison.

I love you on Community.

that is not a difficult cocktail to concoct.

Those are very cool looking items, but I don't have high hope for their lasting solidity, as mating less organic materials with solid wood doesn't provide for wood movement when the humidity changes, which is one of the main obstacles that fine woodworking always seeks to accommodate. I would guess that those pine log sections will expand and contract seasonally, working them selves free of the seal between the wood and aluminum. Nifty idea, though.

TWO LARGE THUMBS UP. DELICIOUS.

I am in favor of this idea and will pitch it to my employers.

Gloves.

White oak is on elf the most noble furniture woods, perhaps THE most noble. Simple but sturdy and handsome designs can be found in the vernacular of the Mission style, like Gustav Stickly, or the Shaker style. Oak is quite tenacious to carve, so you might try and keep to design choices that require less hand-work, and more rectilinear fashioning on the table saw and such.

A man's usefulness depends upon his living up to his ideals insofar as he can. - Teddy Roosevelt

Really good.