Kevin Smith

We showed Harley JAY & SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK with the volume turned down when she was four. My wife Jen's in the movie too and it blew the kid's mind to see her Mother firing guns and jumping over shit. Even weirder for her was when Dad and Uncle Jay were hanging out with the Scooby gang. Then she went all Troll on me and started saying "That's not Shaggy. Shaggy wears a GREEN shirt." Everyone's a critic - even my kid.

Harley's 13 now and allowed to watch the flicks. But like most cineastes, she elects not to.

I would never make a Batman film. I love the character and I love watching Batman flicks, but I don't have one in me. At all.

But I can TALK about Batman like a ma'fugger. I do it almost every week on my FAT MAN ON BATMAN podcast...

http://smodcast.com/channels/fatman-on-batman/

Shit's free, kids. Give it a roll. Most recent guest is Diedrich Bader, as mentioned by nosprings, and he's audio gold. If you haven't watched BATMAN: THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD, go do so immediately. It's fucking magic.

The way things look, I doubt we'll see a Winter Classic in January.

But it's like they bet on: I'll be there when they come back. I'm like a cuckolded husband when it comes to NHL hockey, man: they can make we watch them suck another dude's dick and I'll still love them. And I'm not even a big sports guy; big guy, yes, but not a big sports guy.

Hockey's different. Hockey is life crystalized for three periods. We're all goal-oriented and there are people who'll help us achieve our goals as well as folks who wanna stop up so they can achieve their goals. And sometimes, you get punched in the mouth.

It's a tough game and you're gonna get hurt lots, but don't sit it out: playing the game's better than watching the game. And to master the game, simply do as Walter Gretzky told his young son Wayne when he was teaching him hockey basics: "Don't skate to where the puck is; skate to where it's going to be."

However, if you're in a hockey city and you've got money burning a hole in your pocket for some live entertainment? Come see my fat ass! I'm coming to the following hockey markets in the next 2 months: NYC! BOSTON! WASHINGTON! LOS ANGELES! BUFFALO! CAROLINA! PITTSBURGH! AND PHILADELPHIA!

Tickets for all live shows at http://seesmod.com/

One between two of the other - like a sandwich full of joy. With syrup.

I remember you!

I'm still trying to figure out where the puck's gonna be next, and I think I've got a bead on it now. Before we start 2013, I'll show you what the last three years have been leading up to. I think you'll dig it.

Y'know what else you'll dig? COMIC BOOK MEN SEASON 2! It starts OCTOBER 14th, after the WALKING and TALKING DEADs, only on AMC. If you haven't seen Season 1, it's on Netflix now, too... http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/Comic_Book_Men/70226293?locale=en-US

Off the rack at LensCrafters, son! The one in that mall on Riverside in the Valley.

But I stopped wearing glasses about two years ago now. Realized I only needed them for driving at night, which I rarely do anymore because I fall asleep at 8pm like an old man.

I think the last time I wore glasses was for the cover photo of my TOUGH SHIT book... Tough Shit http://toughshitkev.com/

Midwest shows forthcoming, sir! I'd like to get back to A2 - the weed friendliest college town in America!

But you can sate your need with a DVD of the live podcast experience: JAY & SILENT BOB: TEA-BAGGING IN THE U.K. is a collection of performances from across the pond. And if you've never seen him do his thing live, Jason's funny as (Let Us) fuck! http://smodcast.com/teabagging/

Probably The Police. Or Run DMC. Prince and the Revolution would be on that list. Beatles too. And, of course, Morris Day and the motherfuckin' Time.

I think I've got a more substantial list of my favorite music on my Facebook page: http://facebook.com/yesthatkevinsmith

Thanks for the book props. It's a pretty powerful document for change. Empowering as hell because at the end of the read you're like "This fat piece of shit's a goddamn chimp and shit worked out for him! If Kev Smith can do it, what the fuck's stopping me?!?" http://toughshitkev.com/

Re: HIT SOMEBODY Still working on getting the script from 240 pages to a 150 page shooting draft - which is even then still too long for a feature. But I don't care because I love writing it. Since it's gonna be my last flick, I'm gonna work on that script 'til it's perfect. s'fucking delight to write.

Yes - Bryan was Randal and I was Dante. You can hear it in the recent episodes of SModcast - the "Emo-Kev" cycle (literally), where I'm riding around on a bike at age 20, talking into a tape recorder, trying to figure out my life. I sound like Dante.

It's totally free so click away and marvel at what a little douche I was (or still am)... Part 1: http://smodcast.com/episodes/dobbling/ Part 2: http://smodcast.com/episodes/emo-kev-and-the-24-karat-case-of-love/ Part 3: http://smodcast.com/episodes/ponder-rockin-with-emo-kev/ Part 4: http://smodcast.com/episodes/dark-notions-with-kevin-smith/ Part 5 will be up in ten minutes.

Bry and I will be on stage together THIS FRIDAY NIGHT IN NYC, at The Gramercy Theater - 10pm! http://www.livenation.com/event/000049410BE14D81?c=LNSM_CT_NewYorkGT_KevinSmith_twt_promo_100212 We're doing THE SECRET STASH live for the very first time! If you've never heard the show, it's like an X-rated version of COMIC BOOK MEN (it's actually the companion podcast to the show). Check it out here: http://smodcast.com/channels/the-secret-stash/

I realize that's a lot of links, but most of them are for free shit. So get off my balls about the orgy of links.

Man, I hope so. It was a fun series to make, and Dave Mandel still has some killer plot-lines.

Mandel's a funny guy, man. Hear him talk about making the CLERKS cartoon on SMinterview: http://smodcast.com/episodes/dave-mandel-part-1/

And if you haven't seen the CLERKS cartoon yet... http://www.hulu.com/clerks-uncensored

I fell in love with the DEGRASSI universe while working at Quick Stop on Sunday mornings back in the day. Jason Mewes would come down Sunday mornings to help me put together all the newspapers and we'd watch the DEGRASSI JUNIOR HIGH/HIGH hour on PBS from 11 'til noon. They were to me and Mewes what THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS was to my Grandma: our "stories".

When Romney talked about cutting PBS funding during the debate, I know everybody was protective of Big Bird - but all I could think about was without PBS, Mewes and I never would've discovered Degrassi and I never would've fallen in love with Canada.

I dig Canada so much, I've always dreamed of becoming a dual citizen. I'm a North American - and that includes Canada, as far as I'm concerned. So I'm trying to get "landed" in the Great White North and be a citizen of two nations: I'm looking for some of that hot bi action.

Who wants to sponsor me in their home and native land? Scott Mosier gets to be a dual citizen, so why can't I?

Speaking of Scott - holy SHIT does he open up in the new episode of SModcast, SMODCAST 227: E-Mos. That shit just went live NOW: http://smodcast.com/episodes/e-mos/

Favorite flick is between JAWS, JFK, THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST, A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS and DO THE RIGHT THING. Those movies were incredibly influential on me - which is why I made COP OUT eventually.

(Sorry - that made me giggle. As you might imagine, I'm a pretty big Kevin Smith fan.)

Favorite flick to act in? CLERKS II. Making that movie was like really fun drunken anal: while it's happening, everyone's enjoying the fuck out of themselves, but for some reason, it only happens like that once in a blue moon (not too deep, though: let the person goodly enough to allow you passage set the pace, you pig).

We've been re-running the CLERKS II making-of series on our YouTube channel recently. They're called TRAIN WRECKs. Check 'em out when you're not busy and see what bliss looks like (and don't forget to subscribe to the channel while you're there)... http://youtube.com/seesmod

I've never impacted Hollywood. I'd say it's always been more the other way around.

I hope so. I know he got his name back: His name is Prince. And he is funky.

Now THERE'S a guy I'd love to get as a guest on FAT MAN ON BATMAN. We could talk about Bat-Dance.

Go... Go... Go with a smile!

FATMAN on BATMAN http://smodcast.com/channels/fatman-on-batman/

You just had a convo with yourself, sir. How strange.

Perhaps it doesn't occur to you that the layout of your page and mine look different? I haven't refreshed since I started so I didn't SEE your question. Mercifully, a friend iChatted me that you were talking to yourself about how you were overlooked, so here I am to remedy.

My relationship with Ben's fine. I went to his ARGO premiere last week. It's a flick and a half, man. Benji done good again.

Now add another edit to your post about how you see patterns and conspiracies where there are none. Patience is a virtue, slappy.

Asked and answered elsewhere here, sir: http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1151qf/iama_relic_from_the_90s_named_fat_kev_smith_ama/c6je9it

COMIC BOOK MEN got in the way of the second half of Widening Gyre, but there are already 2 fully drawn issues at this point - maybe 3 by now. Since DC shuttered that continuity, there's no pressure to make any deadlines. Let's say mid-2013.

If you haven't read either the NY Times Best Seller BATMAN: CACOPHONY or BATMAN: WIDENING GYRE by me and Comic Book Men's Walt Flanagan, you can get signed versions here: http://www.jayandsilentbob.com/comicbooks.html Digital versions here: Cacophony: http://www.comixology.com/Batman-Cacophony/comics-series/1869 Gyre: http://www.comixology.com/Batman-Widening-Gyre/comics-series/3169

When it comes to 3D, I feel like "Ooo - Malibu Stacy has a new hat!" I'm glad some folks dig it but I don't need it.

Hit Somebody stuff answered above, sir. But if you wanna read a l'il of the script, check it out: http://silentbobspeaks.com/?p=413

BINDLESTIFFS is available through Red Box and iTunes but we're still heading to theaters! The Bindle boys and their BINDLESTIFFS movie are coming to Texas the week of OCTOBER 22! If you haven't seen the very first SModcast Pictures Presents flick, peep it out on iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/movie/bindlestiffs/id519039615

Ahhhh... Someone who's been paying attention.

Yes - there's something up my sleeve. Somethings, actually. Expect a shift in the narrative before year's end.

Gotta change up the story every once in awhile, kids - 'cause the movie never ends: it goes on and on and on and on...

Information, as always, will be provided here... https://twitter.com/ThatKevinSmith And here.... http://facebook.com/yesthatkevinsmith

1) I've got one more theatrical feature then I'm out. 2) My Avengers wouldn't have been nearly as good as the one we got - which rocked. But my Justice League, on the other hand... 3) You can submit music to me via Twitter. People do it all the time. I got the theme for FAT MAN ON BATMAN from because David Manheimer at Complete My Song sent me music to go with lyrics he hadn't heard yet. Essentially a cold-call via Twitter.

Speaking of which, if anybody's looking for music for a podcast opening or just because they wanna record a song but don't know any musicians, reach out to Complete My Song. They rock. http://completemysong.com/CompleteMySong/Welcome.html

I'm more scared for whoever's gonna date Harley: this kid's been an only child her whole life, the sole focus of four adults at all times for the last 13 years. She's not spoiled but she IS used to being well cared-for and the center of attention - which means she's gonna keep some lucky guy or girl hoppin' with all her dopey dreams and demands.

She's a really fine human being so I just hope she never settles for someone less than who she deserves. I have this dream my kid finds someone who'll always treat her the way she's been treated in this house: like she's the most important person in the world.

Emo-Kev would LOVE the shit out of JERSEY GIRL.

Hear the last of the Emo-Kev saga (and the start of the E-Mosier saga) right here: http://smodcast.com/episodes/e-mos/

Just like YouTube is now a viable method of making cash for your art, so too will corporate America figure out that focused niche audiences actually LISTEN to the ads they're presented on podcasts. The minute the advertisers understand they're getting WAY more for WAY less with podcast ads, the big money will roll in.

And at that point, even your Grandmother's gonna be doing a podcast.

Wanna listen to a buncha free funny? Here's where I stick all MY podcasts: http://smodcast.com/home/

If I fight 100 duck size horses, it'll be more visually interesting for the onlookers: I'll look like a fat Neo getting attacked by little Agent Smiths. So I'll be sure NOT to do that.

Gimme the horse sized duck. I hear if they get hostile, you just shove a finger in their ass and they go docile. Or was that Pitt Bulls? I imagine it works on every organism but Jason Mewes: Stick a finger in his ass and he only gets more excited.

Or so I've heard.

Life, sir. And I'm not talking about the Milton Bradley version either.

Are you kidding? I'm the King of the Coasters!

Also the King of Dark Notions... http://smodcast.com/episodes/dark-notions-with-kevin-smith/

The cartoon flick will debut in March! We're gonna tour that sumbitch around the world like we did with RED STATE.

When I wrap this AMA, I'm gonna shower and head over to composer Jim Venables' studio to hear the first pass at the score for JAY & SILENT BOB'S SUPER GROOVY CARTOON MOVIE. (Jim's the genius behind the score for POWERPUFF GIRLS and the CLERKS cartoon, as well as my favorite score he ever did, JAY & SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK.)

Wanna see a little piece of the flick? It's included in the SModCo Sizzle Reel from ComicCon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGdM3sq4qmo

I'll take the woman with the 12 inch strap on first.

After that, I won't even feel the dude's 3 inch penis. Or much of anything. Except thoroughly fucked.

We cut AMY in about a week and change. If we'd had more time, I doubt the edit would've been that much different: there was only so many angles to cut together.

1) Sir Richard SModcast (which isn't long) goes up next weekend. 2) Working on that now... 3) We've talked about that. It's something we'll be experimenting with in the next year over at http://youtube.com/seesmod

Either THE DARK KNIGHT RISES or THE AVENGERS.

Why? Because both made me feel like a kid again.

Favorite film, however, would be a different answer altogether. Ask me when 2012 is over. MAGIC MIKE is strong in the running, which you already know if you ever watched SPOILERS... http://www.hulu.com/spoilers

Rest assured, I will continue SModcast 'til my heart beats its last. SModcast and all the related podcasts are the story of my life.

In SMod I trust... http://smodcast.com/

The dinosaur I could whip? I'd whip a shit-ton of dinosaur EGGS: whip 'em into one helluva omelette. Put some ketchup on that ma'fugger and eat the shit out of all those conquered would-be dinos like a boss.

Ralph and I thank you for listening, sir. Give that penis a sandwich!

Someone had asked about the forthcoming HOLLYWOOD BABBLE-ON pilot for television earlier, but by the time I finished my response they'd deleted the question. So I'm gonna use this space to answer it, if that's cool...

We're still in contract stage for the BABBLE pilot order of 3 episodes. It's been a painfully s-l-o-w process because traditional media doesn't understand new media. The folks we're negotiating with were initially calling for us to stop the podcast for the TV show and it took us 2 months to explain to a massive corporation full of lawyers why that would be just ass-backwards: why cancel the podcast that created the show - especially when the core audience is 250k a week strong? That's a remnant from the old way of doing business: "I buy you and everything you ever think or do forever and ever."

But with podcasts becoming broadcasts (like TELL 'EM, STEVE-DAVE becoming COMIC BOOK MEN and now HOLLYWOOD BABBLE-ON heading to TV as well), the industry is up against a new learning-curve when it comes to the old methods of doing business and drawing up contracts. You don't have to give up all your rights to get paid for your art anymore because you don't NEED a studio, or a record label or a network: they're nice to have, sure - but they're no longer the only way in. So many new artists are building fan-bases OUTSIDE of traditional media and then BRINGING the audience WITH them - which means new and emerging artists have more power over their careers and more say-so over their own livelihood than ever before.

So after a summer spent explaining all the way up a corporate ladder how stupid it'd be to end the podcast for the television show, someone finally understood what Ralph and I were saying. Hopefully, we can be shooting our Babble TV pilots at the start of 2013.

Speaking of BABBLE, the show just turned 100 in Reno on Saturday night. Hear the brand new episode right here: http://smodcast.com/episodes/100-2/

If I'M not a plus sized woman, I don't know who is. Clearly, SHE wears the pants in this household: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrqV9Lee-vU&list=UUMUyXED1r2JjVHtcHJd_aUg&index=4&feature=plcp

Tell you what: next flick I make, I'm gonna put some zaftig ladies up on that screen. Just don't ask me to get the one from PITCH PERFECT: she's way too expensive now.

Some critics will tell you I've made a few zombie movies: they were called JERSEY GIRL and COP OUT.

When they tell you that, do me a favor? Call 'em assholes for me, please?

Fuck yes!

I'm coming to NYC to do THE SECRET STASH live at the Gramercy Theater this Friday! You coming? http://smodcast.com/secretstashlive

Apologies for all the questions I didn't get to, but it's been 3 hours of fun and now I've gotta go back to work.

But don't feel too bad for me: Work, in this instance, is smoking a joint while listening to music cues for a cartoon starring me and my friend.

Thanks for hanging out and chit-chattin'. I'll be back again next month, because the secret to inner-peace is to get lit and Reddit!

Meantime, I'll close out with some last minute whorin'...

• COMIC BOOK MEN returns to for SEASON 2 this Sunday after the Zombie power hour block on AMC! http://www.amctv.com/shows/comic-book-men

• But before that: This FRIDAY, I'll be at the NEW YORK COMICCON with Bry, Walt, Ming and Mike for the COMIC BOOK MEN panel - 2:45 to 3:45! http://nycc12.mapyourshow.com/5_0/sessions/sessiondetails.cfm?ScheduledSessionID=1EA9C8

• And at 10:30 Friday night, come to the Gramercy Theater for a SModCo first, when THE SECRET STASH records LIVE in front of an audience for the first time! Tickets here: http://www.livenation.com/event/000049410BE14D81?c=LNSM_CT_NewYorkGT_KevinSmith_twt_promo_100212 Never heard THE SECRET STASH? It's X-rated comic book talk (what I do for a living, essentially) Give it a listen: http://smodcast.com/channels/the-secret-stash/

• BOSTON! I'm gonna invade your Masshole SATURDAY NIGHT at The Wilbur! Come AMA in real life at AN EVENING WITH KEVIN SMITH! http://www.ticketmaster.com/event/010048DC95D94D50?camefrom=cfc_boswilbur_KEVIN

• And MARYLAND! You wanna GET OLD with me and Jay Mewes? We're coming to the Silver Spring Fillmore NEXT WEEK! It's a hop, skip and a jump from WASHINGTON, D.C.! http://www.livenation.com/event/1500491EB4D43FA2?crosssite=TM_US:973547:172548

• Is there a live SModCo show near you? Find out at http://seesmod.com/

• Wanna see some shit? Subscribe to my YouTube channel: http://seesmod.tv

• Bored and looking for something to do? SModCo is your pusher: http://smodcast.com/

Thanks for asking me anything, folks. Now stop reading about some fat ass who made his dreams come true and go make YOUR dreams come true instead! That's my parting advice to you.

That and this: Go tell your Mom you love her.

One more piece of advice: Watch some BATMAN: BRAVE AND BOLD if you're looking for a pick-me-up. That shit's gold.

And with that, I revert to Silent Bob mode...

It's like the top at the end of INCEPTION, man: it's up to the viewer.

Same with Bartleby at the end of DOGMA: most cats ask "Did he go to Hell or Heaven after that moment with God before she blows his head off." And I've always felt that beat, too, was in the eye of the beholder.

Folks also ask about the end of CHASING AMY a bit. "Do Holden and Alyssa get together?" I've always felt that a romantic thinks they pair will get back together and a realist knows that can't happen.

There are some skill sets I'll always lament not having (or not having the time to acquire) - like playing the piano or doing a single pull-up. But beyond that, I've found that I'll ardently pursue any skill set involved with whatever I'm passionate about. Then I just try to turn it into a paid gig. Because when you get paid to do what you were going to do anyway for free, then fuck both Milton AND Bradley: you've already won the game of life.

Not only did they take the suite, they let me watch 'em fuck. And not only did they let me watch, they let me take PICTURES! And not only did I take pictures, I posted them here: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151027017801930&set=pb.6985046929.-2207520000.1349733475&type=1&theater

For the record, though? The couple didn't take the room. Not sure if they ever boned or not.

Last words I exchanged with Bruce were exchanged at the COP OUT premiere. I never heard from him after the book - which was the only appropriate response outside of "Thanks for only telling 40% of the entire story and leaving out the REALLY bad parts."

But I've mellowed on the whole experience. Some guys get the sun from ol' B.W. - I got the moon. That's Hollywood.

Work with him again? I don't think either of us are interested in that. But recently, I did an interview for the new DIE HARD box set they're putting out in time for the next installment of the franchise this February. Wasn't sure why they wanted me or what I'd say when I got on camera but ultimately, I found myself able to say really nice (and true) things about Bruce's work again.

Which is good timing for me, as I hear he's great in LOOPER.

My career now is being me for a living. It fucking rocks and you KNOW you're jealous, my crabby friend. The less time you spend bitching about shit and the more time you spend trying to accomplish shit, maybe you'll get here one day as well - that glorious place where you wake up and the only job you have... is to be you.

Then you can read a posting like yours and have the same thought I just did: "Here's his wake-up call. If he doesn't get it, fuck 'im: you tried."

Currently reading Snyder's run of BATMAN in DC's new universe. The Court of Owls stuff is gripping.

No answers. Just thanks for the drive-by hug.

How's Haliwood BABBLE-ON sound?

Coming in December...

That would be more ironic than funny, I think - and also very showbiz-y.

But I'm not against it. I went on his show after that shit BECAUSE I respect and like Adam.

1) Gretzky inspires me. So does Bobby Orr, Mario Lemieux, John Hughes and Run DMC. Lots more'n that, too.

2) The first thing that got my foot in the door of the film industry was CLERKS.

3) Why would anyone ever give up on a dream? A dream costs nothing to build and maintain so long as there are no expectations of reality: it's a wish, not an absolute.

That's not to say you can't make a dream come true: you can. I have. It rocks. But I still have lots of dreams - more'n can ever come true in my lifetime. And while I try to make as many as I can real, there are only so many hours in the day. But even though I know I harbor some dreams that can never be actualized, I'll still never let them go. They're dreams; they're MINE.

My motto: Don't BE an asshole - EAT an asshole!

I've got it on BluRay but I haven't watched it yet. I thought it looked pretty good.

I don't think doing HOLLYWOOD BABBLE-ON has gotten us any attention from the entertainment industry at all. But that's okay because we didn't do it to catch their attention: we did it to catch YOUR attention. I'd rather work for an audience than for an industry any day. In fact, most of the time these days, I don't work for anyone BUT the audience.

But here's what Babble HAS done for Ralph: I can stand on a stage in Australia or London and say "I'm coming back with Ralph Garman!" and thousands of people who've never seen the man before and have no access to his regular gig as a Los Angeles morning radio show host will erupt with thunderous applause. And unlike "the industry", those people actually buy tickets.

As Thulsa Doom would say "THAT is strength, boy! THAT is power!"

I've already got a young ward I somehow inherited years back, and the guy still hasn't even reached Nightwing status yet.

Been getting lots of Tweets about the lack of new GET OLD podcasts, with folks asking "Has Jay fallen off the wagon?!"

No, Jay hasn't fallen off the wagon: we just ran out of banked episodes of the show and fell into a gap where none have been scheduled. And since it's a live show only, there's been nothing new to post.

But that'll all change on OCTOBER 16th, when we GET OLD in Silver Spring, Maryland at the Fillmore! http://www.livenation.com/event/1500491EB4D43FA2?crosssite=TM_US:973547:172548

Then we GET OLD again in Los Angeles at The Lovitz on 10/19! http://thejonlovitzcomedyclub.com/show.cfm?id=190934&cart

After that, we GET OLD in RIDGEFIELD, CONNECTICUT on 10/8! http://www.ridgefieldplayhouse.org/event/kevin-smith-jason-mewes

And we can't help but GET OLD in CHARLOTTE, NC! http://www.livenation.com/event/0E00493995F442A5

I remember being stoned with him at SxSW back in 1997, listening to a mix tape he recorded off Hot 98 fm. There was a show ad that had an Indian store owner rapping and slipping in convenience store speak, like "Are you gonna pay for the HoneyBun?!" We laugh ourselves stupid that night, which was awesome because my girlfriend was blowing me off.

I tell ya', if Mewes had a pussy, he'd be perfect. S'great guy.

I've seen most of the episodes now and I can say this: it's as good if not better than last season. Walt's on fire this year!

But the highlight of the first cycle is likely to be the wedding...

That's actually not true: I've received lots of bad reviews over the course of my career and gotten testy only a handful of times. Don't believe the hype you're fed and take a good, hard look: I obviously have some very thick skin.

However, I did reach a point where I was like "Why the fuck do I care what somebody who never did what I do and will never do what I do has to say about what I do?" Deeds, not words. I don't care who you are: you're more'n welcome to criticize my flicks all you like if you've paid to see them. You pay cash money for my shit, you can tell me whatever you want about it.

But fair warning: if you're not a filmmaker who writes, directs and edits your own flicks, I probably won't give a shit about your Monday morning quarterbacking. No offense, but until you've done what I do, you can't tell me I'm doing it wrong.

Besides: art is self-expression. Who the fuck has the right to tell you you're expressing yourself incorrectly or inadequately?

Robert Shaw. And between takes, I'd have done the Indianapolis speech from JAWS with him over and over again.

Thanks, man. Jersey represent! Monmouth like a ma'fugger!

DOGMA came from eight years of Catholic School and a lifetime of going to church and giggling every time the priest would say "Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!"

I still come in the name of the Lord today! I'm way religious when I'm bustin' a nut.

Because of that Fonz statue.

Wait... That's why I LOVE Milwaukee.

I'll be waiting. Similar to this comment.

CLERKS II was lots of fun to make. So was RED STATE.

I think weed should be legal to use. In fact, I KNOW weed should be legal to use: The world would be a much better place and the government would be out of debt in six months.

I got pretty emo about film in the early 90's: it was shoot or die for me. And rather than stifle the emo, I embraced it and shaped it into CLERKS.

Never stifle the emo. Live a passionate life. Feel for everyone and everything - even made up shit like Batman.

Who said I was kind of a dick? I'm a TOTAL dick!

I wish...

But one time, I was eating with a friend at Jerry's Famous Deli and these two ladies were staring at me. As they left the restaurant, they stopped by my table to tell me how much they love my flicks and would I ever make a sequel to FAHRENHEIT 9/11.

1) Joint.

2) Anton Furst Batmobile.

3) Slippers.

Not much planning goes into the pods I'm involved with, although Ralph has to pull all the stories we do on HOLLYWOOD BABBLE-ON, as well as burn sound clips and video to be played during the show.

When it comes to GET OLD, I ask Jay if he's got stuff and hear one-liners about his stories. You can see us doing it in the new dvd JAY & SILENT BOB GET OLD: TEA-BAGGING IN THE U.K. (U.S., U.K. and Australian editions): http://smodcast.com/teabagging/

I just heard lots of score for JAY & SILENT BOB'S SUPER GROOVY CARTOON MOVIE (coming in March). We're gonna tour it across country and do podcast shows, just like with RED STATE.

That was something I came up with while writing the scene. I'd forced a similar convo down Mosier's throat while we were in film school together, but that was more about how the Empire was a fascist theocracy and the Emperor was the Pope.

Thanks, man! I love doing the show. Have you heard the Diedrich Bader episode? http://smodcast.com/channels/fatman-on-batman/

Part 2 goes up in an hour or so!

They pulled a quote from we that read "More fun than going to the movies!" Some joker in THE COMICS JOURNAL wrote "Maybe one of YOUR movies..."

I had his legs broken.

Did I say legs? I meant heart. I broke his heart.

Walter doesn't like me cheating on The Stash with other comic book stores, sir...

Speaking of which, COMIC BOOK MEN returns THIS SUNDAY! Right after THE WALKING and TALKING DEAD! http://www.amctv.com/shows/comic-book-men

Watch Season 1 on Netflix NOW: http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/Comic_Book_Men/70226293?locale=en-US

The Comic Book Men have a panel at the NY ComicCon on FRIDAY: http://nycc12.mapyourshow.com/5_0/sessions/sessiondetails.cfm?ScheduledSessionID=1EA9C8

Listen to the Comic Book Men companion podcast, THE SECRET STASH: http://itunes.apple.com/podcast/secret-stash-comic-book-men/id502549130?mt=2

Come see THE SECRET STASH LIVE this Friday night at 10:30 in NYC: http://www.livenation.com/event/000049410BE14D81?c=LNSM_CT_NewYorkGT_KevinSmith_twt_promo_100212

So weird: I've been called Melokoton MY whole life!

Rape nothing ever, sir. Never.

Far better than being underrated, I'll tell you that much. I've been both underrated and overrated and I WAY prefer being overrated.

How's it feel not being rated at all? I imagine that sucks a big back of dicks, doesn't it?

To this day, I still quote RAISING ARIZONA at least once a week with someone.

On Saturday, Ralph and I were quoting THE BLUES BROTHERS backstage before our Reno show.

I rock lots of John Hughes dialogue, too.

Oddly, for the year of the RED STATE tour, since we were watching it so much, everyone on the bus would quote the flick - particularly the Michael Parks stuff.

You see RED STATE yet? It's on Netflix: http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/Red_State/70170045?locale=en-US

Here's the Cooper Family Album: http://goddamnsusa.com/

All other RED STATE swag here: http://coopersdell.com/

Totally.

I don't have to be nude, do I? 'cause my dick looks like my pinky toe.

Thanks! I rarely think of myself as an actor.

Nobody else does either, so I guess it all works out...

The recent run of Emo-Kev stuff on SModcast will be pretty hard to forget. I said such stupid things when I was 20...

"Hell, I'm the KING of dark notions!" http://smodcast.com/episodes/dark-notions-with-kevin-smith/

Here's today's episode in which we say g'bye to Emo-Kev: http://smodcast.com/episodes/e-mos/

I remember you. I was trying to get you back to my hotel room, where I planned to knock you out and sell one of your kidneys on the organ black market.

I would've gotten away with it, too - if it weren't for those meddling kids...

Nah. All that stuff - good and not as good - were necessary steps to getting me here now - and I've never enjoyed my career more'n I do today.

For instance, I might not have dug Willis on COP OUT, but I don't even regret THAT time: I learned lots, met amazing people and made a feature film for Warner Bros.

Maybe I had a little regret about taking the 84% pay cut to direct COP OUT - but if I hadn't taken the pay cut, the movie wasn't gonna happen.

Warner Bros. was holding us to a 30mil budget but we couldn't get the budget under 31mil. So producer Mark Platt and I asked Willis if he'd shave a million off his salary to get the movie made, hence getting him paid. After his people declined, both Platt and I decided to give up 6 figures apiece from our already reduced salaries to get the budget down to the required 30mil. So at the end of the day, my pay-cut got COP OUT green-lit. Alanis can throw that shit into a song lyric it's so fucking ironic.

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions...

Thanks for taking the time to share that, sir.

Even if I showed you my wiener, you still might not see it. s'why I went into the movie biz: to make up for a l'il wiener.

sigh

The former. Affleck's actually pretty easy to work with and fun to be around on a set. s'why I kept bringing him back. He's a good guy.

Jay, however, is an awesome guy.

Why is it that it wasn't 'til I got married that I started getting compliments from ladies named SexxyRedHead69?

"Nobody cared who I was 'til I put on the mask..."

When I saw Goon, I was just... relieved. They went for "modern-day SlapShot"; I'm going for "Hit Somebody".

I have no regrets that Seann did that flick over mine, nor should he: they're talking about making a sequel to Goon and I'm still just writing Hit Somebody.

Thanks for helping put my kid through college one day.

And thanks for buying me weed today!

Listen to FAT MAN ON BATMAN. I rarely talk about my ladies asshole on that show. http://smodcast.com/channels/fatman-on-batman/

Same with SMovieMakers. Barely any rim-talk there, either. http://smodcast.com/channels/smoviemakers/

But on SModcast, Babble, Get Old, Plus One, yes - loads of scat talk.

Anyone get that? I said "loads".

Tee-hee...

A hundred duck-sized horses over the course of a year, please. And they've gotta be killed and cooked by someone else - otherwise no deal.

We had loads of sound issues on SPOILERS because of the mic we used for the first 7 episodes. Took us awhile to fix that. http://www.hulu.com/spoilers

Thanks, man. I like RED STATE best too.

I love GYRE. I loved plotting it with Walt, I loved writing it, I loved seeing the pencils everyday. And I loved that nobody saw that ending coming. I know I'm biased as the author, but GYRE is in my top ten favorite Batman stories of all time. I re-read it once a month.

Only downside to GYRE? The cry-baby blogger bitches who wailed "YOU RUINED DC CONTINUITY BY MAKING BATMAN PISS HIMSELF IN YEAR ONE!" (Which isn't even really what happened in the story but fuck facts, right?) The lamentations of these chuckleheads seem REALLY dopey in retrospect, considering the fact that DC blew up its own continuity a year later. I'll take a bladder spasm over a total reboot any day.

Get a GYRE hard or softcover with a one-of-a-kind Walt Flanagan drawing inside at the Secret Stash! http://www.jayandsilentbob.com/comicbooks.html

Man, I agree: Tell 'Em, Steve-Dave is a thing of beauty. http://smodcast.com/channels/tell-em-steve-dave/

And without TESD, there'd be no COMIC BOOK MEN.

Thanks for sampling some (if not all) of it.

That's the first I've heard of it - which is to say it's horse-shit. I've never not liked Trey and Matt. If anything, they intimidate me. They're scary-talented.

Thanks, man! RED STATE is a mind-chigger of a movie.

I expound on the writing and directing like crazy right here: http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/Kevin_Smith_Burn_in_Hell/70236163?locale=en-US

Here too: http://www.epixhd.com/kevin-smith-burn-in-hell/

I'm not the guy that keeps tinkering with the flicks: They're done when the public sees 'em en masse. I love including cut scenes but I don't like to re-insert them into the movie: like the Offspring says, you gotta keep 'em separated.