Kevin Smith

1) When you're raised with rules, all you wanna do is push at them to see how far you can go. Without Catholicism, I don't know that I would've had much to say: that judgey little church filled my youngling head with so many weird, wonderful notions, it became hard NOT to write humorously about it.

2) None. Jeff Anderson is - and will always be - the only Randal for me.

I'd remake the homemade porn I made with my wife. Christ, my ass looks huge and full of cottage cheese. I'd re-cast me with Affleck.

My favorite Carlin moment: Jen and I were at one of his shows, post-DOGMA. He was doing his "People I Can Do Without" piece, and right before he said "Guys who wear their hats backwards over the age of nine...", he added "Kevin, you're exempt from this one 'cause of work..."

Sometimes when I wake up in the mornings, I still think about that moment, and it puts the whole day into perspective. One of the 20 best things that ever happened to me ever.

Movies in the works...

• Jay and Silent Bob's Super-Groovy Cartoon Movie! A mixture of 2D animation and live action footage that's drawn out (which some will argue has already happened). Mewes and I are putting the costumes back on so we can interact with our cartoons selves.

• Hit Somebody My hockey movie.

That's about it. But if you wanna watch shit, hit #SIT - http://www.youtube.com/user/seesmod/videos

Wasn't my doing. At all.

But fellow IAmA-er Jim Breuer was in the pilot. Ask him Anything about it at 11amEST.

Yes and yes.

Had CLERKS not worked, I'd have continued working in convenience stores. I like being around junk food, obviously.

Peanut butter and jelly, with a side of teleportation to another habitable planet.

And why aren't Ben and Bruce stopping this fucking meteor? Shouldn't I be stuffing animal crackers down some chick's blouse right about this last-meal-eating time? Isn't stopping space rocks what we pay Affleck and Willis to do? Fucking slackers...

When I was a kid, my favorite board game was this Haunted Mansion game from Disney. "Will you accept the chilling challenge to stop the spinning spooks?" or something like that was the tagline on the box.

I also loved the JAWS game, but that wan't really a board game.

Currently, Plants vs. Zombies, Oven Bake Escape and Angry Birds take up my iPad free time.

My favorite show to watch with my Dad was BOWLING FOR DOLLARS. It wasn't so much that I enjoyed bowlers, it was the way in which we'd watch it: he'd lay on his back on the floor with his head turned to the left to see the TV, and I'd lay on my stomach, using his stomach as a pillow.

I haven't done that in maybe 35 years, but the memory of doing it often as I watched bowler after bowler dedicate his game to "...the guys back at work" is crystal clear...

And Jason Mewes smells like a day off.

Thanks for the kind words, Katie.

Believe me: being able to say "And Ben's gonna be in it, too..." was really helpful with Harvey back in the day, once GOOD WILL took off. But prior to that? It was like pulling teeth to cast "your friends" as HW would calle them. Thank Christ the people I loved to work with got famous.

And, yeah - I'd say we all helped each other get where we were eventually going.

I shared one very big one here...

http://www.ToughShitKev.com

In the second RED STATE chapter.

If you're not a reader, get the audiobook version. I read my SHIT to you.

And in the Enhanced eBook version, each chapter starts with a video, shot all around my home! Learn my layout and rob be in the night!

http://ToughShitKev.com

1) Nah - I LOVE that people will be "discovering" RED STATE for the next few years. I've gotten to mass-market movies for ten years, but the no-money marketing of RED STATE was the most fun I've ever had in the movie biz. Since we weren't spending, it forced us to be more creative. And there was nobody standing over our shoulders with four-quadrant charts and junket dates. There was nothing "assembly line" about how we made or marketed that movie to the audience.

We never had more than 30 theatrical screenings of that flick. That's the stuff of legends, man. Means folks will be finding it for years to come - which is how a film like RED STATE needs to be discovered in order for it to work as well as it can. It's designed to frustrate in a fun way.

2) Yes. HIT SOMEBODY, it's called.

3) You always want the people you dig to be exactly who they present. Most times, they're not. That's life.

1) Bryan is out of rehab and back in Jersey. He said the first half of the month was easier than the second half. Hopefully, they'll be doing a new Tell 'Em, Steve-Dave this week.

2) I've heard some things...

3) Yes - more SMorning shows for me, now that I'm home for awhile.

4) SModCo Internet Television: http://www.youtube.com/user/seesmod/videos

I know lots of folks are going for polished, production value shows on their YouTube channel. #SIT is more like a scrapbook put together with glue sticks and magic markers.

For example, SMarchive is a show that showcases old video of the stars of SModCo before you ever heard of them, from back in the day. The first ep (airing next Tuesday) features me taking you back in time to when I did GREASE in high school. Embarrassing footage galore!

Here's a SMarchive spot: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIJsKge7vvo&feature=plcp

5) Still writing it. s'fucking HUGE (in page count and scope).

1) COP OUT could've done with more smiles.

2) Nobody ever asks how big my dick is... :(

3) Quentin's.

4) Who did I leave now?

And regrets? Oddly, in regards to my career, I don't have any.

I'll be waiting...

When it talks to me? I respond accordingly.

When Catholicism asks me "How are you today?" I respond "Great!" When Catholicism asks me "Do you like gay marriage?" I respond "Love it!"

That's when the conversation usually ends.

You were an absolute gem, sir. You're welcome on my movie set any time.

But, y'know - ain't gonna be many more movie sets of mine to be on.

A Man for All Seasons.

This week's episode of SModcast had me ROLLING. All the Red Sovine/Jerry Reed/trucker story-songs stuff made me cry laughing - so much so that I'm hell-bent to do a story-song album now.

http://smodcast.com/episodes/teddy-bear-picnic/

I didn't know it was acid, but I knew he was on something.

a) It was evident. b) One of his crew sweetly warned me.

So I just played along.

Every artist should at least also know how to exhibit their stuff themselves, just in case they can't find a buyer.

And it's always better to work for yourself than someone else.

Whenever I speak with young filmmakers now, they don't really talk about making a film to sell anymore: lots are more interested in charting their own course. That's 180 degrees from where I started: Back in the day, all we wanted to do was sell our shit to a distributor.

But Direct-To-Fan, as TopSpin calls it, makes lots more sense to me, because I enjoy the back-and-forth with the audience, obviously. I'm not the guy that ever lets the work speak for itself; I'm the guy who rushes out after the credits and says "Hold on! Hold on! Lemme explain! I got thrown off an airplane and Bruce Willis hates me!"

I think most of my friends are "over" hearing their names in my flicks. To be fair, I don't think hearing his name in MALLRATS ever gave Walt a thrill: he's not that kinda guy.

In regards to BEING IN the movies, they seemed to enjoy it. But Walt and Bry were never show-people in high school or the immediate years after, so all of that being-in-front-of-people was a big adjustment for them. And I always dug how they didn't completely dig it. My boys are not attention whores.

I'M the attention whore in the crew.

The platypus has more friends than I imagined when I wrote that DOGMA intro card.

Originally, that card was meant to read...

"Men go crazy in congregations. They only get better one by one." - Gordon Sumner "Sting"

I like both, but it doesn't matter what I think, as the last 35mm film camera rolled off the assembly line months back and most studios are ceasing print distribution altogether: first overseas, then domestically.

Sounding boards are all around me. But nothing works better than gut instinct.

Helps to have a big gut, though. See - that's why I'm fat: For WORK. I swear.

Sure have...

http://popwatch.ew.com/2012/04/03/clerks-iii-kevin-smith-broadway/

Eight years of Catholic school and a desire to be more spiritual and less religious.

1) When you grow up fat, you learn quick that making people laugh takes the heat off you for being different. And making people laugh is the greatest drug on the planet. You crave it more and more.

2) CLERKS and AMY were both written in a month.

3) I guess. We haven't officially declared one another enemies yet, so I assume we're still cool. But I rarely see him anymore...

Mewes has been up to this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_V_uxXPNWM&feature=plcp

And this...

http://smodcast.com/channels/jay-silent-bob-get-old/

1) After showing them I could put their stupid fucking arm-rests down as well as buckle my belt? The air fascists didn't care. So I simply complied. I didn't wanna get tackled by an undercover air marshal.

2) I was flying from Burbank to San Francisco/Oakland. It's less than an hour flight and the airport is closer to my house than LAX is. Now? I'm happy to drive out to LAX to take any flight that's NOT Southworst. They seem to have issues with fat people, saggy pants and lesbians. It's your Granny's airline.

Thanks, man! But I do all this stuff just to read or hear shit like that.

I love the money, don't get me wrong: I'm no communist. But the money is always secondary: I run on praise and positivity.

Who now?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_V_uxXPNWM&feature=plcp

ABC commissioned 6 eps and ran only 2 in the summer, before replacing us with Drew Carey reruns. It was the suck.

But this is the year we make corrections: CLERKS cartoon is coming back. Count on it NOT being on ABC.

Wayne Douglas Gretzky and Martin Brodeur.

1) Nah. It's just make pretend.

Although I did constantly stop the takes for random boner-checks.

2) Favorite memory of my old man? Hmmm...

When I was about ten, BMX bikes were all the rage. We had three bicycles in our garage: two ten speeds and one standard bike. All my friends had bikes with crossbars on the handlebars, so naturally, I wanted a bike that looked more modern. I told my parents this.

Now, we were raised lower, lower, LOWER middle-class. While we ate Government cheese from time to time, Mom and Dad were always very proud of that fact that they never had to apply for food stamps. But it means lots of no-name brands in our house: No Cheerios for the Smith family when the supermarket-brand Toased-O's were cheaper.

So my ol' man goes out into the garage one week for a "special project" that my Mom kept hinting at. And from what she was saying, the "special project" was bike-oriented. So all week long, I was ecstatic: My Dad was building my new BMX bike in the garage!

Presentation day arrived! Mom and Dad took me out to the garage and proudly threw open the door, where I got my first glimpse of the "special project": Dad had taken my old bike and "built" a BMX-like contraption, complete with crossbar on the handlebars. Sadly, the crossbar was built with a thin aluminum pipe and wire that wrapped around the handles. The center bar had this big, goofy cover on it that didn't hide the fact that this was an old bike dressed-up pathetically to make it appear modern.

Naturally, I was horrified. But when you grow up fat, you're always aware of the feelings of others. So I didn't ridicule my Dad's attempt to fashion a BMX bike; I simply started riding it. And hating it.

Since none of my friends grew up fat, their sensitivities weren't as delicate, so I had to absorb all the insults that flew at the bike. After a month or so, I started quietly removing the additions Dad had made, so that eventually, it just went back to being the original bike. It's very likely he noticed, but Dad never said anything. Years later, I bought my own mountain bike.

That bike was the bane of my existence, and I was too stupid and young to realize it's infinite value. Not assembled by strangers, that bike was re-crafted with love over the course of a week. And being a dopey kid, all I could see was the plastic yellow number plate with 01 on it, tied to the faux crossbars. I was handed absolute gold but didn't realize it... 'til I was a grown-up.

I'm roughly the same age now that my Father was when he built that bike for me. I've bought my daughter everything she's ever wanted or needed, but I've never built anything for Harley. Based on that? I'm not NEARLY the Father that my Father was.

The "special project" was nothing short of alchemy: my Dad turned base metal into a golden chariot fashioned by a Father's love for his butterball kid. And I was too young and stupid to really appreciate it.

Not trying to brag, but I live very comfortably. However, I'd give every cent I have to buy that exact bike back today...

Gonna start watching it soon.

Mewes LOVES it and he's been giving it to me pretty hard lately about taking his.

Copies of GAME OF THRONES, I mean.

ROSEANNE NEWS RADIO TWIN PEAKS BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

1) All I ever did was what made sense to me: If you make stuff for an audience and the audience wants to talk to you about it afterwards, BE AVAILABLE TO THEM.

I mean, why else DO any of this shit? For the money? For the pussy? Shit no! We do it for THE REACTION. So if folks wanna react to what you said with your art, I wanna react back. It's the start of a conversation. Everything I've done thus far has been to communicate the simple idea of "Hi. I'm Kevin Smith. I'd like to talk with you until I drop dead."

I wasn't looking for a "fanbase", I was looking for an audience. But I didn't want to simply count their numbers; I wanted to get to know them. It's human nature: We tend to like those who like what we say. And the people who went looking for me at the old message board at ViewAskew.com (which, by the way, was EXACTLY this format back in 1995 - so this is pretty trippy and time-travelly for me) would find me there, waiting to talk to them - much in the same way I do at Twitter now.

Get to know the audience. After all - They're taking the time (and spending the money) to get to know you.

2) To me, there is no difference between interacting with the audience and directing. In both instances, I'm trying to communicate. It's part of the whole, really.

Harvey Weinstein once put it to me thusly...

"The movie doesn't begin and end when the lights go down and the end credits roll. If you're really good at this job, the movie begins LONG before they get in the theater. And if you're a fucking magician? The movie doesn't end when they leave theater."

I took that to heart. It became my career mantra. The movie is one part of a giant whole that, in my case, begins when I start sharing the dream of a film I'm going to make. That's why I talk about shit YEARS ahead of time: It's the start of the movie for me and my audience. Like with RED STATE: I'd been talking about it for so many years prior to making it, by the time I announced the Red State USA Tour on the Sundance stage, I knew my audience would support the film financially without us having to spend a Hollywood dime in marketing. At that point, the audience was part of the movie as well. And talk about a movie that never ends? Love or hate it, RED STATE stays with you. And we're STILL not done with it...

The movie never ends, ya' see. It goes on and on and on and on...

3) I always fancied myself the Bill Hicks or Anthrax of film. As such, I'm beyond content with my place in the pyramid. I never imagined going as far and as long as we have in the movie thing. And to be fair, it's weird and kind of amazing that JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK (which is like a YouTube Kevin Smith fan-film with a budget) could even gross $30 million.

I appreciate the sentiment, but I dig it out here on the fringes: It's where you can get away with a LOT more fun shit and be as creative as you want without having to ask some other jackass for permission.

10 in secret. Nobody needs to see my naked blubber in any medium ever.

However, those 10 in secret have to be consensual partners. That's just how I roll. So when you can prove to me that you've got 10 donkeys that actually WANT me Silent Bobbing for ass-apples on/with 'em, I'm your man.

Also: they all gotta like COP OUT - as critics have told me only asses could possibly like that flick.

Sad truth: When you produce as many podcasts as we do, you don't get to listen to other folks' podcasts anymore.

Recording takes time. Editing takes time. When I'm producing content, I tend not to consume much other content. Except, y'know... Devil Dogs and Yoo-Hoo.

What are you waiting for? The rest of your life starts... NOW.

1) Hoping to be shooting by the end of the year.

2) I did like Goon. S'fun.

1) SModcast Pictures will definitely be exploring crowd-source production in the future - but only because a good portion of our audience has suggested it multiple times. And you see what Amanda Palmer's doing with her recent Kickstarter campaign? That's where lots of us are heading or exploring now. Direct-To-Fan, as TopSpin calls it.

2) Yes. But not this year. End of next year.

Because, we're IN the movie now, you see...

3) You're too fucking kind, sir.

I can't crack on Scientologists for believing in principles laid out in a book. My religion is also based on a best selling book, and our stories are even weirder.

Plus, I believe in Batman.

I've never gotten an odd question yet. Sure - some are more imaginative than others. But I've never gotten an odd question.

No regrets about not finishing film school. Got lots out of my brief time there - including Scott Mosier and Dave Klein.

Not by Randal.

See, I go the other way: I've always been surprised by just how much my films grossed.

Except ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO. If Universal or Warner Brothers had released it? Spending the way they do to open a comedy? It would've done much better. Thing is, neither of them would've made it in the first place. So it all evens out, I guess.

I'd likely kill myself before I'd kill Batman. Batman's the best.

Plus, he's had a really hard life.

I was friends with...

Dammit! You gotta be fast on Reddit!

I can't do a convincing enough Russian accent to pull off Widow.

1) Bryan Johnson and I were making fun of Mewes for taking his time in having sex with Jordan because she was special. Instead of applauding his maturity, we started tearing him apart, for not rockin' the pooter. I said he was scared there was a pussy troll between Jordan's legs. That made Bry cry laughing and demand an explanation. We were on a roll, so I said Jordan told Mewes that there's a pussy troll inside her that'll bite his dick off if he tries to fuck her. I named it Pillow Pants to push the joke over the top. If you've ever heard Johnson REALLY laugh (like in the recent SModcast, THE BRYNING: http://smodcast.com/episodes/the-bryning/ ), it's intoxicating. You can't not laugh hard yourself. The best I've ever felt physically with another human being that didn't have a pussy has always been laughing with Bryan Johnson. So when the material got that reaction, I decided to include it in the CLERKS II script.

2) I see or talk to Mewes almost daily... http://smodcast.com/channels/jay-silent-bob-get-old/ We run SModCo together - with Jay's wife Jordan, my wife Jen, Meghan and Alan.

3) You mean COMIC BOOK MEN? Season One has already aired. You can catch reruns on AMC or buy the eps on iTunes: http://itun.es/iVT422

4) No - it is I who loves YOU.

5) Felt weird doing that scene at first, since it wasn't with the film's director. But Scott Mosier wound up directing that scene, so that made it comfortable. None of us thought it was gonna end up in the flick. Those were weird days at TWC...

Too legit, son.

Here's the proof: watch me whore my merch like Fat Kev Smith!

BUY MY BOOK: http://ToughShitKev.com

WATCH MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL: http://www.youtube.com/user/seesmod/videos

HEAR ME ROAR: http://www.smodcast.com

SEE IF I EXIST: http://www.seesmod.com

Here's a clip of me and Mewes skeeting over AVENGERS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_V_uxXPNWM&feature=plcp

And on this week's SModcast, I talk about the shit I loved in Avengers (HULK!) and the shit I coulda done without (the Magical Loki-Pokey Stick): http://smodcast.com/episodes/teddy-bear-picnic/

And on Monday's SModCo SMorning Show, I talked about the record-breaking opening weekend, and whether or not DARK KNIGHT RISES can beat it: http://smodcast.com/episodes/monday-may-7-2012/

That's more talking about Avengers than anybody who doesn't have anything to do with the Avengers has a right to express.

1) WW will be in HIT SOMEBODY. Told him that years ago.

2) Shhhhh! With all the recent Round 2 activity, there have whispers of this possibility.

MY best case scenario: Devs beat the Flyers to take on Caps. They beat the Caps and face the Kings for the Cup.

But first, they gotta finish the Flyers. And that could happen TONIGHT... http://devils.nhl.com/index.html

No - because I never dared even hope the Hulk would be that well-handled. Just like I never dared even hope Thor would say something remotely amusing, let alone hysterical.

It's a fun movie. Could be shorter, but still: it's a really fun flick. I honestly can't remember laughing out loud that many times in a movie theater this year. And none of it was derisive laughter.

1) No. I don't do contests. I already won the only contest that matters: the race to my Mother's egg. I beat out a billion competitors. This life is merely my victory lap.

2) The last two "Evening With" specials first aired on EpixHD. They're currently streaming on Netflix.

Here's the complete list of where to see all of my stuff streaming online, so you can waste all your free time with me and my friends: http://smodcast.com/streaming/

1) I wanna see a movie about Vic Sage - THE QUESTION.

2) Still haven't chowed down on any magic mushrooms. Weed does me just fine...

I love his BLACK CHICKS story. It's such a snapshot of New Jersey adolescence.

Last time I shaved it was for Richard Kelly, to play Simon Theory in SOUTHLAND TALES...

http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMjA3ODIzMDE2NV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwOTkzNzA3._V1._SX450_SY678_.jpg

1) Not in movie theaters.

2) She was good in SWEET HOME ALABAMA.

I sure hope so. I'm counting on it.

But at SModCo, while free podcasts are our bedrock, we like to turn those free podcasts into paying part-time jobs - such as TELL 'EM, STEVE-DAVE birthing COMIC BOOK MEN. Working on that now with HOLLYWOOD BABBLE-ON and some of the other stuff.

Ironically, two studios have contacted my agent about optioning my book TOUGH SHIT, to turn it into a movie. That's the book I wrote about how I'm trying to get out of the movie business.

Hollywood...

Honestly? This...

"I wanna make a movie with Bill Murray - where he plays a guy who falls in love, has a kid, then loses his wife."

I wrote the first fifty pages and stuck it in a drawer.

A few months later, Affleck read it and said "I wanna do this! Finish this."

From there, the slope was slippery.

For the record, I love that movie. It's maudlin but I dig maudlin movies and I wanted to make one myself.

And if Twitter's taught me anything in the last four years (today is, in fact, my Twitter birthday), it's that LOTS of motherfuckers like that movie: Because I'm constantly getting "LAY OFF JERSEY GIRL! I LIKE THAT MOVIE!" Tweets.

You may not believe it, but it's true. Go watch my Twitter feed sometime. Just @ThatKevinSmith in the search and read everything that comes up. It's a crazy love-fest. Makes a motherfucker wanna sing...

Always and forever....

Each moment with you...

Is just like a dream to me...

AND you...

That somehow came true....

(I love HOUSE PARTY.)

What's next?

I'll tell you on May 22.

Probably via my Twitter account.

I'm @ThatKevinSmith

I try not to inflict my taste on my loved ones. On total strangers? Totally. On impressionable young minds that are related to me? Never.

So maybe it was by osmosis, but Harley gravitated toward the geek herself.

Makes me so proud and happy. The only thing I've ever tried to impart was the importance of being herself. She seems to get it, as much as a Tween can.

That's pretty fucking good, man.

You got yourself a sellable skill there!

Meanwhile, the real Kevin Smith always felt his dream job was valet parking. What an awesome gig: You get to drive a bunch of cars a very short distance. The only bummer part would be the walk back.

Thanks, man. I told that story so many places prior to those shows, that when they rolled cameras, it was almost like a piece of music. It's like that moment when a lead singer stops singing and lets the audience take over: Fucking electric.

Weed's only slightly less better.

Jen? She shampoos herself.

If you're cruisin' me, Sailor, I've got a slip for your boat...

Here's my approach...

I try to give away as much as possible. At SModcast.com, we've got thousands of hours of my best work, as well as the funniest shit you'll ever hear: My true life's work. And we give it away free.

Tomorrow, we celebrate the First Birthday of S.I.R. - SModCo Internet Radio. http://smodcast.com To celebrate, we'll be launching S.I.T. on YouTube - SModCo Internet Television. All of it is free.

So when I do present my audience with something that requires payment? I try to make it more special. That's why I toured with Red State, rather than simply stick the movie out there in theaters alone. Anyone can access any movie digitally once it's in theaters; I accept that. But they can't digitally access me unless they're in the room.

Instead of trying to fight change, I like to adapt and figure out how to thrive in an ever-changing global economy. And as much as I like to head where the puck is going, you sometimes have to play the ball where it lays.

Hit Somebody will be it for theatrical films.

Thing is, the movies I wanna make are all kinda small: in budget, content and scope. And the movie business has changed so dramatically, movies like that just aren't getting made as much anymore for theatrical release.

But in a world where almost no movie is ever in a movie theater for more than two or three months, I'm just as content to skip that step and get it where it lives forever: digital. Nobody's ever accused me of being David Lynch, so it'll shock exactly no one when I say I'm happy as fuck to have folks watch my flicks on an iPhone. I'm content to leave the movie screens for giant-sized flicks like The Avengers and The Dark Knight Rises. If I ever wanna direct something again, I'll do it on S.I.T.

Favorite restaurant is Gullifty's: http://www.facebook.com/gulliftys Excellent potato soup, pierogi, and chocolate chip cookie dessert.

Also loved the Church Brew Works: http://www.churchbrew.com/

"Sabotage"? Christ...

I didn't "sabotage" the show. Nobody did. Came down to poor communication.

I've seen folks say I was right, I've seen folks say Adam was right. But when people accuse me of somehow doing him wrong, all I can say is I went into the man's studio to address the issue. He emailed me that I didn't have to but I insisted on coming in, because I have respect for him and everything he's built.

"Sabotage".

Life's not an episode of Gossip Girls, sir...

Interestingly, with all the good and bad Tweets inspired by that episode, most agreed on the same point: Adam and I wouldn't have worked very well together.

The world has continued to turn.

1) All of 'em.

2) If he was into making as much money as everyone says he is, Lucas would open up the Skywalker Ranch Marriage Chapel and charge every would-be-Gran-Moff-and-Mon-Mothma with ten grand to spend. They have AMAZING lodgings on the Ranch; Easily 5 Star Hotel-great. Build a giant AT-AT under which younglings can wed, bang! Photogram heaven!

3) Jason Lee has been a member of the Church since before we met. Never once has he tried to recruit or sell me. I feel like he treats it like I treat my Catholicism.

I met Ben first, at the Mallrats auditions. I'd read about his Good Will Hunting $800k script deal with Castle Rock in the Hollywood Reporter the day before he came in to the casting office, so when he hit the chair, I was like "Hey, congrats. I saw you sold a script for a shit-load of money." He seemed surprised and delighted someone knew about it.

During Rats, he was a real charmer and fun to be around. Funny, funny, genuine guy - so much so that I wrote him the lead in Chasing Amy and cast him in Dogma. I brought his Good script to Miramax when Castle Rock put it in turnaround and Harvey agreed to pay Castle Rock a million bucks for a script by two kids from Boston. For that, I was rewarded with the Co-Exec Producer credit on Good.

Matt I met through Ben, at a cast and crew screening for Mallrats that we had on the Universal lot. It was right after Harvey bought the Good Will Hunting script from Castle Rock, so Matt's never had anything but smiles and warm words for me - and has never said no whenever I've called and asked "Can you come out for a day to play in this flick?" ever since. Really nice guy. Genuine article, in terms of performance. Real student of the craft.

But Ben was my boy. Ben Affleck circa 1995 to 1997 will always be one of my all-time favorite people in the world. He was so fucking Gretzky it was nuts: so confident, so free. The way I am with the press and in interviews? All candid and whatnot? All-truth, no bullshit? That came from Ben. Go read his old interviews: He gave awesome oral (please don't print that out of context).

The beginning of the end of candid Ben came circa Dogma, when there was heat surrounding the flick after a false prophet scared Disney into ordering Harvey and Bob to get rid of it. Ben had been interviewed by a web journalist who quoted Ben in a press conference saying something Ben was insisting he'd never say. So Ben jumped on the ol' View Askew Message Board and wrote a blistering response to the piece, the best line of which was "Michael Eisner wouldn't know (The Blogger) if he saw him beneath a freeway underpass wearing a sign around his neck that said 'Will Write Senseless HorseShit for Two Bits!'"

Fucking glorious...

Only problem? The blogger posted the written transcript of the press conference, where Ben had, indeed, said the exact quotes the blogger had assigned to him in the article in question.

After that, he started listening to his publicist more and saying less. Makes sense for him professionally: He picks platforms like Bill Mahr's show to speak his mind, not Message Boards on his friend's website.

But, man - the unguarded Ben was my fucking hero back then.

Regardless - You see the trailer for the new flick he's directed? Looks fucking awesome!

I watch my flicks to death before you ever see them: In my head while I'm imagining them, on the page when I'm writing them, on the stage when I'm directing them, in the editing bay when I'm cutting them. On screens, when they made us test them. At premieres, where they waste money debuting them to non-paying Hollywood skinflints and slackers.

By the time it gets into regular release, you don't wanna see it again for a long time.

Except Red State. I loved that flick so much, I was able to watch it at every public exhibition we had. That movie was made to be watched with the audience.

As will be the next flick we tour: Jay and Silent Bob's Super-Groovy Cartoon Movie. Coming next year, to a theater really near you, with me and Jason Mewes right there beside you.

Yes, but not right now.

The movie in which I end world hunger by hiring everybody as crew and letting them eat to their heart's content from both the lunch line and the craft service table.

The movie would just be an excuse to get at all the unlimited money in the budget, so we might as well try to get them a little of their loot back. Thusly, I'd write and direct Mallrats II just to feed the world, and let them know it's Christmas time again.

What are things that aren't a question?

I'll take "The Penis Mightier" for $500...