Neil Strauss

February 14, 2012

IAM a seven-time New York Times bestselling author (Neil Strauss), AMA.

I saw there were a couple requests for AMAs with me, so thought Valentines Day would be appropriate. For those who didn't' request, I am a formerly forever-alone Rolling Stone (and former New York Times) journalist who went undercover in the seduction community, and somehow ended up as the international spokesperson for pickup artists after writing The Game. I also have written a lot of books with rock stars, porn stars, and other characters, and interviewed thousands of musicians, most recently Suge Knight, Mick Jagger, and Skrillex. AMA about A.

Proof that this is me is posted on: and

I assume there are going to be a lot of questions, especially about pickup, so I've asked a couple friends to help answer a few so I can keep up. Their usernames are: earcaraxe, rico81, and aaronfrankel.

UPDATE (2/15/12, 9:30 a.m.): This ended at 2 p.m. yesterday. For all the questions that came in afterward that I didn't get to answer, I will do another AMA in the future, so please repost them. If your question was NOT answered below and is URGENT, feel free to email me through the website (url above), identify yourself as a Redditor, and I will get you your answer. Otherwise, thanks for an incredible array of questions, comments, opinions, insights, honesty, and humor. Talk again soon....

Hi Style,

What's your opinion of The Blueprint Decoded?

Have your feelings about Tyler changed since releasing The Game? Should I feel bad giving into his teachings?


Actually, Tyler came to speak at a seminar I had a few months ago. Was great to see him and reconnect. He showed some incredible in-field videos that were evidence that the guy has balls of steel. Great escalation and cocky/funny/teasing/pebbles.

And you shouldn't feel bad, if it's working for you. In the end, the problems were really a function of living together, more than anything else..

Read The Game and loved it. Two questions:

  1. Why didn't you bang Courtney Love?

  2. How would you use game in a small college setting, where everyone knows everyone else?

  1. She wasn't in the most "bangable" condition at the time (mental condition).

  2. Absolutely, but if it's a small town and you see everyone a lot, you don't have to make sure you do EVERYTHING in one meeting. Each time you see them, you can add a little piece and let the attraction grow more naturally (and also more subtly).

Hi Neil,

Have you ever had approach anxiety, if so how do you deal with it?

Yes, and in fact, the better I got, the more approach anxiety I developed. This is because people start to know who you are, and expect miracles and no failures. There is only one way to get over it: to approach. Right away. The longer you wait, the more the fear builds. Just accept it as a normal evolutionary response, but also a vestigial holdover fear from a tribal society that no longer really has a purpose.

Do you still keep in touch with Courtney Love?

Yes, talked to her for like two hours yesterday, and used to stay at her place in LA. If I can get it, will show you a photo of what was under the bed. Remind me later if I forget.

Dear Neil:

I'm impressed by your books, bust most importantly I read "The Game" over and over again. And I'm still so interested by the chapters that include PROJECT HOLLYWOOD.

My question to you is; Was Project Hollywood as intense as you described it, or was it flared up some for sake of the book?


It was that intense and more. Had to leave a lot out of the book. Think about reality shows when a bunch of people are living together, then add Mystery and Courtney Love to the mix (lots of Courtney questions so far)--and you'll realize what would be abnormal is if there was no intensity!

What was the hardest book to write and likewise the funnest?

Love your work, The Game was brilliant

I think the hardest book was The Dirt with Motley Crue. At every point, one guy in the band was mad at another guy in the band, and threatening to drop out of the group and the book project. Where the Marilyn Manson book took 3 months of interviewing, this took like two years. But a fun two years.

Everyone I talk to about Pick up has negative views towards it. They think it's bullshit. Why is Pick Up so detested and/or seen as something ineffective or without substance?

It makes sense: Here's a quick rushed explanation. Women have naturally evolved a way to filter men of higher status that they should be with from ones of low status that they shouldn't, and if guys have somehow figured out a "hack" for this, then it renders that system useless. And that's not a good thing for them.

All of my friends ridicule me anytime I bring up any pick up related concept. Its gotten to the point where I've had to tell them you're right its all bullshit just so they stop making fun of me for it

Solution: Don't seek your friends' approval.

Remember, that in life, as you improve, especially if you get better than your friends at something, some of them will start to feel inferior and hate, just to justify the fact that they aren't succeeding like you are: whether with women, career, or life.

Solution: Don't seek your friends' approval.

Remember, that in life, as you improve, especially if you get better than your friends at something, some of them will start to feel inferior and hate, just to justify the fact that they aren't succeeding like you are: whether with women, career, or life.

Interestingly, what you write about has also happened to almost every musician I've interviewed. Its why i named the last book Everyone Loves You When You're Dead.

This is a great answer!

Nice breakdown, only thing is we are guys. So sometimes a logical explanation doesn't make a difference, because it's an emotional objection. That said, great answer and well-said.

Hi Neil

Having read The Game and Emergency, what would you say is the most important life skill you've developed?

Thanks for taking the time to do this!

For sure, the most important life skill is developing good instincts (through experience), and then trusting them. And that is a life skill that's with you forever.


I'm a mod at /r/pickup4dykes and am about to read The Game (it's on hold for me at the library right now - hope you don't mind me not paying for it!). Which of your books would you recommend for women interested in picking up women?

I'd read The Game and Rules of the Game of mine, maybe someone else here wants to recommend others more specifically on the subject. But it applies. Just had a Twitter discussion recently with a woman reading it to meet women, and have had female couples come up to me.

I asked this in the other part, didn't know if you didn't get to it, were still working on it, thought it didn't belong, or something. Anyway:

  1. How is your relationship with Tyler Durden, Mystery, Ross Jeffries, Steve P? How are they doing, if you know? What do you like about each of the schools now, espcially RSD?

  2. Pick up is now generally moving away from routines/indirect and towards just pure direct intent. How do you feel about this? What did you take away from routines?

  3. What are some of the most interesting and extreme positive and negative reviews/responses of The Game that you've seen?

  4. What are some routines that you're actually glad to know, as opposed to general conversation? For example, I thought the threesome thing was a pretty neat idea.

  5. How have your views on building and maintaining relationships changed from the end of The Game to now? Alternatively, what would you from right now say to yourself from 7 years ago?

  6. Any newer pua/coaches who's stuff you like?

  7. Do you still hang out with Tom Cruise or Courtney Love? How have they been doing?

  8. Are you still meeting people (like in clubs or wherever)? How were the PUAs back in the day, like realistically, how good were they and what stuff did they do right and differently. And have you gone out with newer puas?

Okay, let me get to a few of these, then ask any I missed later:

  1. I've seen all of them this year, and am on good terms with all. Feel like they were all part of my life and integral to the book.

  2. Trends in pickup are kind of idiotic. One does what works. I'm sure someone will ask me specifically about direct vs indirect, so if they don't ask that again so I can share my thoughts on it. Feel like you should read, considering your question.

  3. Seems the responses to the book are either those who've read it (and are generally positive) and those who haven't (and are generally negative). Think a lot of people think the book is something it isn't.

  4. See The Routines Collection in the paperback edition of Rules of The Game. Those are my new favorites. (Not trying to plug--if you email my manofstyle email tomorrow, will send you a few for your eyes only--only for you).

More answers to come...

What was one of your worst blowouts/rejections? [I.e. the girl just freaks out/goes weird/her friends just completely start attacking]

Funny that you ask that, because I think it says more about your fears. Most guys do NOT experience horrific blowouts. Usually it's just someone saying "I have a boyfriend" or "I have to go to the bathroom" or just being a little cold and distant.

The questions says more about your own limiting beliefs, so get out there and approach people and prove yourself wrong.

Cross posting this from the other thread since I think I got it in there too late.


Some critics of you and the seduction community assert that there is an undercurrent of misogyny in the community. Do you think this criticism is warranted?

In your own experience with the community, do you think any of those practicing PUA had or have psychological issues?

Oh, absolutely, a lot of the guys have psychological issues. I think everyone has psychological issues, in the world, just about--no one was raised perfectly. But I think the psychological issues in the community are more about men's low self-esteem, and not about negative attitudes towards women. In fact, as I write it, I realize their negative attitude is only toward themselves. So if their experience in the community fixes this, then that's a good thing.

I swear this is a true story. I went to a high school in LA and you crashed our prom after party (Universal Hilton). You ended up taking the virginity of a girl named Roseanna. You didn't call her afterwards. She cried a lot. Do you remember any of this and can confirm or have you been so knee deep in hollywood pooty for so long that this qualifies as a mere blip?

I Am Woody Harrelson.

Hi Neil, thanks for taking the time to do this AMA. Got a bunch of questions but I'll put them all into one.

Are you still what that girl you ended up going in a relationship with that you mentioned at the end of your book The Game? Also how many women have you slept with would you say since you first got into the seduction game, a rough estimate?

Lisa and I (the girl from the end) lived together, but eventually broke up. Still on good terms though.

And never counted or quantified.

hey there! iv recently got in to the idea of the Game. havent read it yet but am planning too once i'm free. what would you say to my inner debate over the Game being an admittance of defeat? I had a bad experience with a game-reader in venice who ended up bribing campsite cleaners for a girls details....this scared me

No way. Why is it a defeat to learn or get educated about anything? Is it an admission that you're a bad tennis player if you go get tennis lessons? No, it's an admission that it's something you enjoy and want to get better at.

And don't let one bad apple spoil the bunch.


Probably in my early 20s started losing my hair. The biggest mistake I made was:

  1. Not growing a huge crazy 'fro while I had the chance.

  2. Waiting so long to just shave it off, and going around for years trying to hide the bald spot and receding hairline. Hiding anything you're insecure about is generally not good. Like Mystery said in the book, if you can't fix it, feature it.

Hi Neil. [reposted from seddit]

I am a dude who read The Game, and it opened my eyes. Just wanted to say how absolutely much reading it changed my life. Absolutely amazing book.

Now that I am older in life, and having done PUA, I realized my shortcomings were not with women - it was myself. PUA, for me, is complete and utter bullshit now. Everything in it is just breaking it down to a level that makes dudes insecure about what they are doing, and just makes their problems worse. It did for me. I have had major successes in my life just by working on myself and trying to be happy. Women included.

I am not sure how often you coach on specific titles such as PUA anymore, or if it is more a self-improvement kind of thing, but how many people have you run into that have noticed the same thing? Do you feel as if the PUA community, as it is today, has lost its touch and just plays on the insecurities of men, or do you feel that it could still do some good for the awkward 18yr old that's never gotten laid and had a horrible childhood?

Thanks again, I am absolutely excited to read all the responses to this AMA! I have been passionate about this stuff for many years.

First of all, that's a great insight. And think about this: your experiences with pua got you to this insight, so are they bullshit then? Because what you did and describe as working for you sounds to me like The Game. But it also sounds like you came across some bad marketing or teachers.

I am absolutely THRILLED you took the time to answer my question. Thank you.

It is a very catch-22 kind of deal - I wouldn't be where I am today without it, yet despise all that is out there right now. Alot of what I learned were 'outside' factors, things that you could do on the 'outside' of yourself. PUA to me right now, is just a big blanket for REAL insecurities - they NEED the satisfaction of approval from a woman, laying down the best line to get the hottest chick and saying all the right things using all the right professional 'techniques'. The problem, I think with alot of men, is that they are never going to be OK enough with themselves, to just admit that whatever they're doing, doesn't fucking matter. It is YOU. Only YOU know YOURSELF. PUA just breaks it down to a level that I believe most dudes will just find overwhelming. There will NEVER be a perfect line for a specific girl, and I believe that PUA perpetuates that and leads men on to believe that there is, which eventually leads to self-worth issues.

IMHO, most men go into PUA because they are looking on how to get better with women - that, itself, is an 'outside' factor. I would probably venture to say that almost all men go into PUA for this, but I don't know for sure - just what I've picked up on from the years of reading forum posts after forum posts after field report after field report. There could be the exception, a dude who just wants to be genuinely better with women. But, why would a dude who already has it (a 'natural'), get into PUA? They don't need it.

Thanks again for your thoughts. I have been mulling over this stuff for a few years.

I think most men go in for women, but somewhere along the line realize it's not about women and never was--it's about themselves. In fact, most of the routines are not about "tricking women," they're about tricking OURSELVES into being comfortable with women.

I just wanted to chime in that your book was a life changing event for me as well. I read the book because I heard a fantastic interview you did on the Ron and Fez show, and once you explained how the book was far more about the lessons you learned from the PUA community than a how to manual, I was certain this was a book I wanted to read.

The lesson I learned by reading your book is that making connections with the right kind of women for me to connect with is "just" a matter of learning how to be a more confident more well-groomed more assertive more carnal warmer friendlier happier version of exactly who I already am. PUA techniques were an excellent stepping stone to help me reach that place.

After reading your book, I also read up on some of the "self programming" material available from Ross Jeffries as well as from IN10SE. Writing a list of affirmations and then reading it out loud while listening to a recording of those same affirmations one step ahead of where I was reading for several hours straight after smoking two bowls transformed me overnight.

I refer to a much more radical change than simply dating more. I have made great strides in my professional life in a relatively short span of time. I am more willing to acknowledge the faults I've had all along, because acknowledging those faults no longer brings the sense of shame that it used to. I love life, and I enjoy sharing that feeling with other people.

These days the closest thing to "material" I still use is a series of hooks that I came up with to steer from nearly any interesting subject right into sexually charged talk. I mention the "bad parts" of whatever subject is being talked about, segue into Sturgeon's Law which explains those "bad parts". Now we're near the subject of the golden age of sci-fi. It's time to bring up Stranger in a Strange Land. Bam! We just started talking about sex, and I get no creepiness on me for the subject change, because it was done in a classy manner.

Oh right. This is an AMA, so I should put a question here. Would you ever consider being a guest on Ron's new show "Ron Bennington Interviews"? I love his interviewing technique, and I'd be thrilled to hear what subjects would come up if you and he were sitting talking on the air for an hour.

Actually, I've been on the Ron + Fez show. Really liked him, and his interviewing style. And incredible story, and thanks for the insights. I can see you starting your own school of seduction: The Two Bowl Method.


Good question:

  1. Either I'd have a "party" and invite them. Or call and say I just had a dream they were in. (Dream was always PG and fun, not anything romantic/sexual in any way.)

  2. Bring a pad of paper, and pencil. i remember meeting a couple Czech girls in Croatia who didn't speak English, and we drew a clock with hour/minute hands to communicate when to meet.

Can we smell your finger..?

Yes, and you'd smell what you're looking for. Rolled out of bed to do this, so you may not want to smell my breath.

Hi Neil, just wanted to say I love your books, most of all the Game, Rules of the Game and Everyone Loves You When Your Dead, so many good quotes and stories in there.

I have a few questions from the field. Whats your general rule of thumb for "shit tests"? I'm not always the best a witty come backs.

Whats a good come back when a girl asks you to buy her a drink, take her out to dinner, or puts prerequisites for sex out there (ex. "I want the first time together to be special.... there should be chocolates, candles, flowers...")

With shit tests, if you're not quick on your feet, write down the common one and figure out some good answers. Guys can help here or in r/seddit.

And prerequisites to sex are weird, takes away the spontaneity. I'd say,something like, "What makes you think I'm going to put out? I'm not easy, you know. (pause) Despite what everyone else here, will tell you."

SO there's the answer to your shit test challenge: always best if rather than addressing it directly, you REFRAME.


It's odd, I have this thing about not discussing whether or not I've done anything illegal in public. If you've read Emergency, you'll know why. Have you?

How do you feel about the monetizing of the pickup community?

I feel like it's made it confusing for guys getting into it now. In the past, you'd go to the main forums and there was this free exchange of information. Now all the information comes with a price tag, and you don't know if it's from someone who's credibly using it with success or if it's just a good marketer with no social skills whatsoever trying to make money.

That's why communities like this are great: truth is (generally) sorted from bs pretty quickly.

How do you complain about the seduction industry when you charge $100,000 for a personal bootcamp? And when you charged thousands of dollars for a set of DVDs of you repeating this same advice that's freely available everywhere.

How do you justify that?

You marketed with stuff like this "The Forbidden LAS VEGAS technique" which turned out to be just an acronym for dressing well and having some attractive qualities, that everybody already posted about.

I charge $100,000 for them, because I don't want to do them. I like writing books, and am doing my best to scare people away. It appears to be working.

This needs an answer.

I like how you demand answers. You're like the TV news journalist here. Seriously, you should be in the White House press room.


And you, you are the skeptic. The Eeyore.

Is there any way for a girl to go from a friends-with-benefits situation to something more serious?

To me this seems like the female equivalent of the "friend zone."

That is a GREAT question. And SO true.

And here's your answer: people tend to step up when they have a fear of losing something.

So if he sees a guy is interested in you, and you may be interested in him, his feelings may start to change.

What turns off a guy a girl is sleeping with is the same thing that turns off a girl a guy wants to sleep with: desperation and neediness. So eliminate those from your behavior in the friends-plus-ship.

Whatup Neil.

Where / how do you come up with the cold reading personality games, i.e. "The Cube," or "Style's EV." I really like these types of conversation pieces.

Readings tons of fun books and websites on those, then testing them in the field. Enjoying doing them is the best way for them to be effective. 5 Questions game and bar cons are also really fun. Those two you mentioned are my favorites though.

You've met all kinds of people form all walks of life - who is the biggest out-and-out asshole?

Interesting question, and I've had people be rude, but generally it was just a wall, and once I got through it, they turned out to be a great person. I suppose assholes are like bitches: we think someone is like that, but that's only because they somehow threatened our sense of self and self-esteem--and if we see them with empathy, in most cases, we realize they're just as insecure as we are, if not more so.

what do you do for fun (outside of writing/interviews)?

Surfing and, my favorite, putting together groups of about 12 people (old friends and new friends and even people I've never met) and having a night of fun adventures. How about you?

Did you ever succeed in going 30 days without an orgasm?


Interesting username, just read an interesting manifesto by William Hazlitt (I think), called On the Pleasure of Hating.

As long as they're polite and ask relevant questions, even if they're difficult questions, then they're absolutely welcome in this AMA.

And do you mean feminists, or do you mean women who are curious and have some questions and rational objections?

What is your stance on some PUA/seduction concepts like 'last minute resistance' (LMR), where a woman will resist advancing to sex. Many practitioners of PUA/seduction offer advice and 'tricks' on how to get a woman to stop resisting sex. How do you feel about that?

You raise a good question, much more rational than your username would imply. And the answer is: Is it a technique designed to push someone to do something they DON'T want to do (in which case it's not only immoral but possibly illegal) or is it a technique designed to make someone comfortable with something they WANT to do but are just nervous about (in which it can end up being a great experience for both people)?

I asked a question elsewhere regarding your writing career but wanted to asked a second more specifically about your experience in the world of Game and courting in general:

How do you feel that the different social standards and expectations of men and the concept 'dating' system have impacted the average man's psyche in regards to finding and 'hitting on' women? More specifically, the western expectation of the man being the initiator, whereas in other parts of the world it is not uncommon to have women in the predatory position.

On a separate but somewhat related note, how much do you feel the western world's increasingly 'isolationistic' mentality (i.e. walking around with headphones in, not wanting to be bothered or disturbed) works against the idea of actually meeting someone in your day-to-day life and asking them out, or even having a conversation? Are future generations doomed to have to read The Game and similar instructional books in order to learn how to socialize and meet with people outside their immediate circles?

Is bold on an AMA the Reddit equivalent of peacocking?

And, yeah, wouldn't it be easier if the roles were reversed. That was always my ambition with The Game, that it would even out that disparity a little.

And you are very right on the last paragraph. It is harder, because when someone's text alert goes off, and if they check it, it can hurt the flow. So the burden is to be that much more interesting.

And "doomed to read The Game," nice word usage. Answer is: I think there will always be guys who have it and guys who don't, so some will always be "doomed" to read it. But for sure, every hour i spend socially interacting staring at a screen here probably lowers my comfort with socially interacting IRL. So the burden again is on the individual to make sure their life is in balance. And that becomes more challenging the more great tools people create online.

I have a whole theory on social networking and evolution I may turn into a post on, so if i don't get it up there soon, remind me!

Hey Neil. I read The Game (good job, by the way, it inspired me to read Ulysses) and Emergency and took a trip with my friend out to California to try to find the cache you hid. I got to Big Basin and to the Lane camp site, but there were a couple clues we just couldn't figure out, and the others we did figure out seemed worthless without the rest. How close were we? Also, has anyone found it yet? And what's the reward for it?

The 25 paces east clue (or however many paces it was, I don't have the book in front of me) was especially frustrating, because 1) I couldn't figure out where to start pacing from, and 2) even if I could, I'm taller than you, so I could easily wind up a couple meters off mark. The other thing, how deep is it buried? Is that one of the clues I couldn't figure out?

No way, and how'd you like Ulysses? Hope you had some help when you read it. And hey, I can't say what are it may or may not be. But good for you, and no one has found it yet. And it's not buried more than 2 or so feet deep.

Can peacocking be so outrageous that it ends up becoming detrimental to the game?

Yes, the line is: Are you wearing the clothes or are they wearing you?

Care to recommend latest and greatest NLP books/sites/teachers?

My favorite for starters is Introducing NLP by Joseph O'Connor. If you want to get a little more advanced and really have fun, Sleight of Mouth and Mindframes are conversational gold.

Do you plan on having kids? If you do, how will you explain your involvement in the community to your daughter or son?

"This is how I met your mom. Without it, you wouldn't be here today."

Odd, I never thought of it as something I have to explain or apologize for. I'm so grateful in my case for it, because it allowed me to come out of my shell and be myself. Otherwise I would have spent my life, scurrying around insecure, unaware, slobby, mumbling, lonely, and depressed.

Hi Neil:

First off, I loved your books. I actually read Emergency first before I got into reading stuff about the pickup community so it surprised me when I found out you wrote The Game.

I know you still teach. What do you do for your students that have AA to no end? What do you say to them? Do you just force them to go and do it? What was your worst student with AA and did he get over it/how? Does the "just do it/3 second rule" still apply?

Great! And love it when I hear that.

And email manofstyle (at gmail), and ask for the thing I wrote on approach anxiety or limiting beliefs. Allow a couple days in case a bunch of other people ask. Shit, I may be getting myself in trouble here.

Hi, I've heard you often get a lot of hate from women and I just wanted to say that I actually appreciate what you did. Honestly, I prefer getting hit on by a guy who knows what he is doing than someone being creepy and coming close when he shouldn't. I love my boyfriend the way he is, but I also think reading The Game (amongst other things) just made him more confident. Confident guys are just easier to talk to... and it makes them sexy :)

Your boyfriend is a lucky guy. Because it's really important that women understand and empathize with guys (and vice verse), rather than judging them for being...well, guys.

I think most hate, not just about The Game but anything, comes from fear. I think it's very hard to hate from a perspective of understanding and empathy.

Do you have any more stories about your travels through Pridnestrovia?

Yes, I wrote them up for the Wall Street Journal:

So how is it being the world most famouse astro physicist and playaaaaa..

Funny, we're in a world now where someone can actually be an astrophysicist AND a player. I actually know a great guy who fits that bill from Australia. Gives hope to all men.

How do you justify charging thousand of dollars for sets of DVDs where you just repeat the same concepts other people posted about only with some names changed?

I think you're talking about something I did right after The Game came out. It actually started as a research project for a new book, and I told some guys I'd do one seminar, record it, and only let them sell them for a day. In the end, because I always get carried away with anything I'm doing, it also included a second followup seminar, phone calls, like a year of contact and support, books, CDs, interviews, and a whole bunch more stuff that I hope was worth it. And I'm still in touch with every one of the guys from that seminar, who've remained friends to this day. Many sent gifts after, saying their lives had changed, so the real question is: how do they feel about it. So I hope for them, it was a lifetime investment.

Your responses make it seem like you are a Redditor and probably have been for a while. True? (And if so, why wait so long to do an AMA??)

I'm a lurker. But thank you. Was concerned about doing this. But I am addicted to the IAmAs. Especially the ones with unique life experiences. So was inspired by their candor, courage, and stories. And also by requests I kept seeing here.

1.) What inspires you to write?

2.) Are you approached to write books about Motley, Navarro, Manson, etc or do you approach them?

3.) What were your impressions of Howard Stern?

It's funny. They all rolled into each other: I interviewed Manson for Rolling Stone. Afterward, he contacted me about a book. Then while I was proofreading the Rules section of the book, I was on a plane with Motley Crue, interviewing them for a story. And they started passing it around and laughing, and so that got that ball rolling. And then with Navarro, he was over at Manson's one day. And he had this box covered with skulls. It was filled with syringes, heroin, cocaine. And he kept shooting up cocaine every fifteen minutes, and then left because he had a $2000 hooker coming over to his house. And, um, that's how that book started.

As for Stern, was amazed that I liked him even MORE off-air than I did on-air, and already obviously thought he was incredible on-air. Especially lately. Think he keeps getting better and better.

Hey Neil, thanks for writing the books you did. My best friend and roommate and I actually built most of our friendship from learning to wingman each other and reading your books.

The best opener we came up with was asking girls if they think taking someone to the shooting range is a good first date. Usually it was a pretty polarizing question, and most girls loved to talk about it. It also gave us a lot of insight into what type of girl they are when it comes to excitement. The girls that really wanted to go to a shooting range for a date were always easier to talk to.

What do you think of this opener? I've always wanted to ask you.

Isn't it incredible? Some of the strongest male friendships are built through the shared experience of winging. That's an aspect of The Game that often isn't discussed.

And I like that opener, and I like how it bridges into a second meeting, though at the same time, it could also be a scary opener for some woman: sometimes, um, it's good to avoid topics like guns and serial killers when first meeting someone...

Do you ever think to realize that the fact that you were rich and famous helped you get laid, and not those cheesy pick up lines?

I love when guys say that.

And I had little money, no fame, and definitely no looks. Was a New York Times writer, and no one recognized me. Generally before, when I met women, they'd generally use me for free concert tickets, then go sleep with some guy they were attracted to.

Oh Man, I loved The Dirt. When's the movie coming out?

Thanks. The script is written, by Rich Wilkes, incredible! But don't know what's going on with the movie. Think a guy named Rick Yorn is producing, so let's get him to do an AMA and put the pressure on!

Hello Neil. I have had the pleasure of reading your book(The Game) a couple of years ago, basically after one of the toughest emotional episodes I've been through since birth(22 here), and it came via friend recommendation.

Thing is, it was "prescribed" to me as relaxation and/or smiles-provider rather than "tips & tricks on getting back on your feet and losing the oneitis". I have to say, to this day, I still consider it an amazing, well written, compelling piece of literature combined with biography rather than a manual for crash-test dummies.

In simpler lines, I only wish to thank you for filling the world with a bit of positivism and the introduction of some re-thinking and reinventing thy self patterns.

But as it IS an AMA, I guess I'll pop a question as well :) So here it goes: Do you really think ANYONE can improve their AFC status? I always keep on thinking that it's a great means of self-improvement for the better looking part of the population, as opposed to less/or undesirable looking people(I kind of find myself swimming in this latter crowd, as I'm a 22 y.o who suffered 3rd and 4th degree burns on more than 30% of my body). What I'm trying to say is, people like me have to work ten-times fold to even get accepted in society, and it's something you can only WORK on, unless you sit on a shitload of money that can rebuild your traits through surgery.

What's there in-store for us? How do we find appreciation, human-connection and why not even love? :)

TL;DR: [appreciation and personal opinions on Neil Strauss work...]

Do you really think ANYONE can improve their AFC status?

What's there in-store for undesirable looking people? How do we find appreciation, human-connection and why not even love?

I like the way it was described, and very cool. Thank you for saying that: most people think of it as this crass how-to lad's manual, when, you're right it's really a memoir of a pivotal period in my life.

Like your attitude. And the answer to your question is YES, absolutely. Just look up Sean Stephenson. And he just got married.

As said below, what you can't fix, you feature. You don't need to rebuild your traits. You just need to build up your personality. And it just has to be a little more positive, funny, intelligent, and outgoing than the next guy's to compete---and I promise you, because I've seen it with many people with all types of handicaps, you will be able to compete with ANYONE.

Hey neil, i am a huge fan of your work... I have been involved in the community for little over a year and curious what is the best thing to read/do to develop your dhv routine?

The Cube is a good starter. I modified it a bit from the book. Here's the version I do:

Then I like Style's EV.

But really all you need are a few things that make you are interesting and, here's the key, that you are genuinely interested in yourself.

The Cube is a good starter. I modified it a bit from the book. Here's the version I do:

Then I like Style's EV.

But really all you need are a few things that make you are interesting and, here's the key, that you are genuinely interested in yourself.

And always dhv from a place of curiosity, not a need to be liked or impress.

Talk about crashing and burning on my part. I'll see myself out now.

Edit: Fixed

No wait, don't leave. Where are you going? We were just starting to have a good time.

I see a false time constraint, the opinion ice breaker, placing value on oneself, and then general interest in an opinion.

This fucker probably just seduced Neil Strauss.

BTW neil - I've no questions for you. I loved The Game :)

Neil Strauss is doing a freeze-out.

Reddit spam filter doesn't give a fuck who you are.

Everyone is guilty.

Thank you.

I believe Neil will never answer this question.

Ye of little faith.

How much of The Game is factually accurate vs. dramatization? I find it hard to believe you could capture all those quotes from all those people verbatim and then write about them later?

It is all accurate. What helped was: taking notes in the moment and immediately afterward. Also, at ProHo, once guys knew who I was, I started recording things. And I think in retrospect what really allowed me to put everything in there was the fact that when you were in the field, you were thinking, "I can't wait to go home and write a field report about this." So you were always immediately, while it was fresh, writing out a word by word, blow by blow, report for other guys.

It is all accurate. What helped was: taking notes in the moment and immediately afterward. Also, at ProHo, once guys knew who I was, I started recording things. And I think in retrospect what really allowed me to put everything in there was the fact that when you were in the field, you were thinking, "I can't wait to go home and write a field report about this." So you were always immediately, while it was fresh, writing out a word by word, blow by blow, report for other guys.

And no pun intended on blow by blow (before someone else says something to that effect).

I don't want to speak for him, but I think he's been sued multiple times for libel (and won all of the suits). That's only pertaining to the celebrities he dealt with though- I'm not sure about some of the other stuff.

I do know though that he's a writer, and he structured the book in a certain way to make it more dramatic. So he probably stretched the truth in a lot of instances, and probably straight-up lied in some cases. As far as certain quotes though, he was originally posting on asf (the original "seduction" forum), so he made sure to write down most of his experiences right after they happened. That's just how he rolled, since he really was just trying to tell a story about how the "seduction community" works.

What changed is that some people didn't want to be in the book, so I changed their names or made them composite characters.

Hi Neil, in The Game you strongly suggest that your dating life was a disaster before you met Mystery. That you were by all means an AFC and your stints as a writer following rock bands had done nothing to raise your status and get you laid. However I just recently came to know that you have admitted to having slept with 143 women before you ever met Mystery. It seems like a bit of a contradiction! What am I missing?

What you're missing is the truth. Would be curious how you "came to know" that, and even more curious how you "came to believe" it.

Do you think the motivation of a PUA is central to his game?

Don't understand necessarily, but motivation always help with learning anything. As long as that motivation doesn't turn into desperation or pushiness in the field.

I completed the 30 day challenge just over a week ago. On day 4 I got a number and f-closed on day 5. This chick has now spent thousands of dollars on me but she's an obvious psycho. How do I get rid of her without risking her doing something crazy? BTW 30 day challenge worked for me. I am sarging 3-4 times a week now. Thank you Neil.

Um, wow, dramatic results. Nice work.

And, so true. Quick question, and please repost if I lose this later in the thread, does she think you're dating or her boyfriend? Or is she just obsessed with trying to make you her bf?

We never AMOG'd each other. We winged each other. One person's success was the other's.

And one of the most important rules is: Get out of your head. Be in the moment. Don't judge yourself. Assume it's on and she's interested, because if you assume the opposite, it will become self-fulfilling. It's really all about you being comfortable, and it's a challenge when one is learning everything analytically to go then be natural. And the solution to that is: time, experience, practice, and ultimately success.

What's with no Kindle Addition of "The Game". I loved your book "Emergency" and have always meant to read "The Game" as well one of these days, so this thread reminded me that I need a book to read for an upcoming trip and I went to order it on Amazon but you don't have a Kindle edition available :( For a lot of frequent readers and travelers, no kindel edition is a deal-breaker. I just don't make room when I travel for paper books anymore.

Seriously. I've been asking my publisher for a year to get them up. They say that the first week in April, they'll have all my books up on Kindle/iBooks. I think it's taking longer because I told them I didn't want a straight conversion full of errors (like so many e-books), but a clean great design--also made some extras for the books. And an app because, hey, everyone is doing apps these days--plus I thought it would be cool with Rules if guys could actually communicate with other guys who are doing the exact same mission elsewhere at the same time.

That said, I still prefer paper.

In The Game you talk about spending time with Tom Cruise and going to the Scientology Org with him, and compare Scientology to The Game. Can you tell us more about your experiences with Sceintology? I think you said that they had tried to recruit you. Do they still try?

They didn't try to get me then. Here's what I told Tom Cruise about Scientology (weird phrase to write). I think it's in the book, but it felt like there were good concepts and teachings, but why subscribe 100 percent to something and say this is IT. Why not just read the books, learn, and then go read other books and other things--as opposed to fully joining the church and becoming extremist about it.

I suppose that's an analogy for the seduction community as well.

Hi Neil,

How do you feel the Pickup Artist show on Vh1 affected the seduction community? Also, did any of those people in the show go on to become teachers in the community?

I think it ended up getting a lot more people into it. And I thought it sympathetically portrayed the guys trying to learn it and, since the viewership was more women than men, actually helped in the end.

And I don't know if any of the guys teach it, but I know a lot of them are around and still practicing it. Great group of guys, and I see them as much as I can.

The toughest thing for them was they didn't get enough teaching on the show. The producers wouldn't let Mystery interact with them when the cameras weren't rolling, and the teaching time was really limited.

But thought the show was great and fun, both seasons.

I think it ended up getting a lot more people into it. And I thought it sympathetically portrayed the guys trying to learn it and, since the viewership was more women than men, actually helped in the end.

And I don't know if any of the guys teach it, but I know a lot of them are around and still practicing it. Great group of guys, and I see them as much as I can.

The toughest thing for them was they didn't get enough teaching on the show. The producers wouldn't let Mystery interact with them when the cameras weren't rolling, and the teaching time was really limited.

But thought the show was great and fun, both seasons.

Maybe the only negative affect was that it made Mystery and his style of peacocking so famous (in both good and bad ways) that it burned out any guy really ever being able to do it that way. That said, was never a huge fan of the more Vegas-style/pimp-style/circus-style peacocking, and there are plenty of other ways to stand out.

Hi Neil , I just wanted to ask , even when the game works which I believe it does , it's hard however to feel comfortable start using it and it's even harder to just go outside and do thousands of approaches , to get to the right track . Do you believe that that's it's the absolute way to improve only by Sarging every night? Since many people don't have the opportunity to do that

It's funny that guys think it has to be "every night." You don't have to go out of your way to do it. If you ever leave your house, there are opportunities to talk to someone: in the elevator, at lunch, in the street, at a gas station/bodega, etc. And it doesn't have to be someone you're attracted to: talk to anyone, just to get used to being social.

Good mantra to remember: Life is fun when you open your mouth.

It'll lead to all sorts of adventures, then you can do some sort of crazy IAmA yourself after all these experiences.

Hi what is the best rape you've ever done??? Epic Bro-Five

The one I'm about to do to you.

How do you approach and engage a target who has her headphones on, or is absorbed in a book or newspaper without being obnoxious?

Offhand, what would be funny is to start talking and gesture for her to take them off. Then when she does, just be moving your mouth and not saying anything.

has anyone found your bug out mystery package that you buried in some random jungle yet? also, anymore clues to where this is!

Not yet, but someone somewhere in these 600 posts did say a little too much....


Weird to look at those words, to be honest. Wrote my my book when I was 11, sent it to dozens of publishers and agents, never received a response.

Hey Neil, I'm about to move to Waikiki in a couple weeks, how would you approach women in tourist areas? I suck with women.

It's so great to be the authority and the local. You'll still need game. I remember when I was a clueless AFC, I went friend to a youth hostel. I thought: "Imagine all the gorgeous like women from Sweden that are going to be there just looking for someone who knows New York." And I was too scared to approach anyone. And, um, didn't see any gorgeous Scandinavian tourists either. Though I suppose couchsurfing has become the current equivalent of this.

Okay, in short: Just start practicing openers. Get in one of the many forums and get some openers if you don't have them. And always know where the party of place to be is that night!

I ruined a relationship by not realizing how important it was to me, and now I have a serious case of one-itis while she's moved on. How do I get her back, or get over her?

Isn't that so true: people don't appreciate it while they have it, then when it's gone they do.

My sincere guess is that this is mostly your ego state. And as soon as you have her back and are confident that the relationship is 100 percent on again, you will start not appreciating her again.

So first you have to examine your true intentions and motivations here. Because if you do get her back, and then change your mind again or have doubts again, that's not fair to her.

Hey Neil,

No idea if this has been answered (I tried to read everything, but sometimes things get lost in the shuffle on reddit), but I love how when you choose to write a book on something you seem to really immerse yourself into the subject you are writing about and it almost becomes a science project. After The Game and Emergency, what is your next (or current) immersion experience that we will all have the pleasure of reading about later?

Thanks Neil, huge fan! Hopefully we'll cross paths someday and talk bald hair care or something.


No one's asked this yet that I've seen, and great question.

I am absolutely immersed in something right now. Been undercover for over a year, and I can't wait do it an AMA about it. Think it's still a year away from being published, but it really deals with core issues we all experience. Thanks, and isn't "bald hair" an oxymoron?

Hey Neil,

Thanks for doing this AMA. I'm a big fan.

Anyways here is my question: I am going to start a blog giving advice on how to be a PUA. If I used other pick up artists's methods, and repackaged them in my own words, would this be okay? For example if I introduced the idea of negs, or how to thread a conversation, or how to properly ask for a number, or used the term "target" would this be okay with you and other prominent members of the PUA community?

Use the terminology (but explain it for newbies). But with the ideas and concepts, give credit.

What was the best, most used piece of knowledge you gained from researching "Emergency" or said another way:

What technique have you employed most often in your life since learning it?


Just kidding, actually it's the EMT skills. Knowing how the human body works, and what to do when something goes wrong, is an incredible life skill. When you see a car accident or someone collapses on the street, you won't be rubber-necking, you'll know what to do to help them.

There are people who've read the book and actually saved the lives of loved ones through either the basic Red Cross or the EMT certifications they got.

I know a musician in London called John who told me he was your cousin. Truth or BS?

True. Tell John hi. Wow, small world. (Last name begins with M, if it's the one we're talking about.)

Is it true that even the wise man dwells in the fools paradise?

Yes, and the fool also dwells in the wise man's prison.


One step at a time. Attraction first, then escalation, then start a casual non-exclusive relationship, then see what happens. Even when someone isn't looking for a relationship, love can catch them unaware and they'll then want to be in one.

That said, get to know her first, who she really is, and make sure you really WANT to be in relationship with her. Big mistake is when anyone gets into a relationship too quickly, is not compatible, and then can't get out of it.

I read The Game in my freshman year of college and it made a huge difference (some positive, some negative) in the way I interact with women. In the last year, I've done a lot of self-discovery and have recently entered a BDSM relationship with an amazing dominant woman. I'm her submissive and I give up control to her in almost all of our interactions, which is in direct contrast to what is described in The Game.

I'm happier than I've ever been, but I'm having some trouble integrating my experiences with pickup with my experiences as a submissive. There's no question that being alpha and dominant works to pick up girls at, say, a club or bar, but within the domination and submission community, being entirely submissive seems to work instead (maybe even better, since being submissive comes more naturally to me). Do you have any ideas how I could integrate these two theories into a consistent theory of how to interact with women?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but in some way the submissive has the control in a sense in these types of relationships.

But I see what you're saying, and obviously you calibrate the truth that works for the majority to your specific experiences. And there's a whole great literature on this. There's actually a guy in the community named Arcane who wrote a book on the subject from a master/slave perspective.

Hey Neil,

I loved the book. I read it while I was very depressed and it gave me optimism. It encouraged me to acquire a lot of PUA material and spend a lot of time developing my "skills". I got great at it. I could go into bars and get laid almost every time (although to be fair, I would piss off or freak out a really good percentage of the women I approached. But in the end, it's all about volume.)

I ended up pissing off more women than I can count or remember. I alienated all my friends by acting insanely cocky. I could gradually feel myself becoming a sociopath as I started to look at women as targets to seduce (regardless of whether or not I was attracted to them) and men as targets to dominate. I could feel my personality changing and my soul dying. It was incredibly creepy.

2 months after hastily getting rid of all the PUA shit I am still trying to deprogram. What is your endgame here, Neil? Is it just to exploit desperate, lonely people by taking their money or are you actively trying to start a cult? The people I knew who got really into The Game got pretty detached from reality and their social calibration got completely mangled in the long run...

Sounds in part like my experience. Sometimes it's part of the journey: like the dialectic process you go from thesis to antithesis to, finally, the synthesis. Sounds like you got really extreme, and then reacted against it. And what you have to find is your comfort level, where you're happy with yourself and respectful of others and their reality.

And my endgame is: I wrote a book about my experiences, I shared them both because it was amusing and to help other guys in my situation. And somehow, for reasons I don't entirely understand, it took on its own life.

My endgame is to write other books about other things I'm interested in.

There are so many PUA programs out there. Home study courses, seminars, bootcamps, etc...(including yours, of course). Objectively, which programs are worthwhile and which are totally bogus? There is so much misinformation out there, it's impossible to tell if you're going to be wasting your money or not.

So true. Read the reviews. And don't become an information junkie. Just take the material you need RIGHT NOW to get past your current sticking point. Then use it to get past that point. Then go back to the well and get what you need next.

There's a form of procrastination called perfect preparation. And it ends with guys buying a lot of "products" and not getting outdoors and actually socially interacting.

Hey Neil,

Have you ever made peace with Tyler\Papa? Has your opinions on anyone you wrote about changed?

Also, what do you think of pick up post 2005, like the prevalence of "natural game," good bad or neutral?

Yes, see the other thread on Tyler.

And I think it's odd when people get into pickup trends. It's not like girls are going, "I'm only into speed seduction," then a year later are going "cocky/funny is so much cooler," and then decide, "I like guys with natural game this year."

All these trends are about the egos of gurus. Do what works. What works has always been the same throughout history, from Ovid's writing on seduction to today.

You were never forever alone, faggot. In The Game you mention early, pre-"Style" relationships and sexual encounters.

Last I heard, it was a state of mind, a mindset, a belief, a feeling.

How can I create a cool social circle? How can I be the leader of my social circle?

Shortcut: Bring together different people who don't know each other. You become the leader. Good way to cultivate those skills.

Thank you for doing an AMA and I hope you can respond to this question Neil. I discovered The Game at a crucial time in my life. I was on the verge of extreme depression. With that stated, your book perhaps has made the biggest impact on my life so far. I addressed the real reasons for my problems (sexual repression, relationships with my sisters that affect my relationship with women) and I am in a much better place right now. Your book is an inspiration.

I'm currently reading NLP, Books on Magic, and a whole list of self-improving books that had been recommended by the community. I'd like to try pick-up, but do you know of any resources where I can freely access the same information you did when you were doing this? I do not wish to rely on pick-up, but rather integrate it with my personality. I had always been that fun socially successful kid who would be in girls pocket rather than their pants; it's just much harder for me to build sexual tension than rapport.

Question Could you imagine a life where you did not get involved in PU? If you can how do you think you would feel knowing the things you know now?

Thanks again!

Sounds like you've done some great self-exploration and discovery and growth, and thanks for the cool words.

And just join one of the many forums out there to get started, and take it one step at a time. I don't want to recommend any, even my own, here, just because i hate it when people plug on AMAs.

Ive looked in to the PUA community myself and really found that the sort of stuff RSD was teaching (non-scripted routines) was really the most useful. What is your relationship with Tyler Durden/ RSD since the writing of "The Game?"

Wow, common question. See answer elsewhere.


People are generally the same everywhere. They're just human beings, and we make a big deal out of the .0001 percent variation (or whatever the actual number is). Any difference between using the game in one city and another or one country and another are minor, minor nuances.

Thank you for doing an AMA and I hope you can respond to this question Neil. I discovered The Game at a crucial time in my life. I was on the verge of extreme depression. With that stated, your book perhaps has made the biggest impact on my life so far. I addressed the real reasons for my problems (sexual repression, relationships with my sisters that affect my relationship with women) and I am in a much better place right now. Your book is an inspiration.

I'm currently reading NLP, Books on Magic, and a whole list of self-improving books that had been recommended by the community. I'd like to try pick-up, but do you know of any resources where I can freely access the same information you did when you were doing this? I do not wish to rely on pick-up, but rather integrate it with my personality. I had always been that fun socially successful kid who would be in girls pocket rather than their pants; it's just much harder for me to build sexual tension than rapport.

Question Could you imagine a life where you did not get involved in PU? If you can how do you think you would feel knowing the things you know now?

Thanks again!

502, it went through. 504, try once more.

When are you going to come to MN and help me sarge some fluzies?

Would this be MN in the 1920s?

I have what I think is a great idea for a novel floating around. How does one go from overall idea to finished novel?

Set a deadline, and 3-4 hours everyday (with phone and Internet off) to write.

Is there any hope for introverts who want to learn game without becoming an extrovert?

Sometimes you're going to have to act as if you're an extrovert for a little bit. I was (and I think still am) naturally an introvert as well, but found myself enjoying being extroverted and stepping outside my comfort zone. That's how you learn and grow--and maybe you'll find out you're not an introvert at all, it just takes you a while to get comfortable with people.

Hi Neil! Thanks for taking the time to do this, you are easily my most influential author with The Game and Emergency. Both those books changed my life for the better by giving me more self-esteem and helped prepare me for the unexpected. In Emergency, i believe you said the most useful course you took was the one with Tom Brown Jr, have you taken any more courses since your standard? If so what have they been and do you plan on visiting the primitive camp again in the future for further training? And if not TBJR, what are you doing to prepare for an emergency?

Yes, tons more: from SARTEC (search and rescue) to off-grid medicine.

Really recommend as far as courses: Tom Brown (as you mention, for wilderness survival) Onpoint Tactical (urban survival) EMT or Wilderness EMT or equivalent (for medicine) CERT (survival basics)

You have to co-author a book with Twain, Vonnegut or Hunter S. Thompson. Who do you choose and why?

Would that require dying first?

And the answer is neither, because they certainly don't need any help writing.

I'm currently re-reading 'Emergency". Great book, but I have two questions:

1) Is the information about passports and alternate citizenship still good? Is St.Kitts still as easy to get into?

2) Have you met Tim Ferris? I remember reading somewhere that you have.

There are easier and cheaper places. Info is always changing, but St Kitts is still possible. It's gotten dangerous there lately with robberies and murders, but really the second citizenship is as much for going somewhere as it is for getting out of somewhere. I also used the St. Kitts passport when I traveled to North Korea (a trip worthy of an AMA in itself).

Read The Game a while back and loved it, some incredibly deep material for a book about getting with girls!

Always wanted to ask: Does Tom Cruise actually have all his shit together like you portray it in the book? Guy seems like a badass Ghandi or something.

Ha, like a badass Ghandi. I really learned a lot from his attitude, ideas, and what he said. Obviously no one's perfect though, but everyone you can learn from.

I want to thank you Neil for helping me on my journey to be a more socially intelligent person. What is your favorite attraction game?

I think games are more for building a bond, laughter, and connection, fun, DHV--rather than directly for attraction. That said, I love the 5 Questions, the Cube, and all the bar cons and bets. Always learning new ones, just to keep it fun and a challenge for myself.

I think games are more for building a bond, laughter, and connection, fun, DHV--rather than directly for attraction. That said, I love the 5 Questions, the Cube, and all the bar cons and bets. Always learning new ones, just to keep it fun and a challenge for myself.

And thank you. That's what it's about. Social intelligence.


The Dirt is hands down IMO the best rock book ever written. What was is like getting the stories from those guys? How are they as people as opposed to the persona (Tommy surfer dude for example)?

You can do a Dirt-esque book on any band, living or dead. Who do you pick?

Tried to capture who they were on the book. And I'm totally working on a book with a new music "icon": something you'd never guess, but probably the most insane untold stories I've ever heard. If i can get him to do an AMA at some point, that would be incredible.


So true. Some people see me as only Style and the author of The Game. And that's okay. I just keep writing new books on new things I'm interested in, and eventually people catch up.

As someone who is somewhat famous, who interviews a lot of famous people, what are your thoughts on the concept of fame? What is it all about?

Question 2: What are your thoughts on late capitalism?

It's questions like these that slow down my wpm.

And I think fame is the idea of significance: the more people know I exist, the more meaningful my life must be. And it's definitely an unhealthy quest that generally comes from not being validated by one's own parents.

As for late capitalism, it's doomed.

Hey Neil!

I used to frequent the sosuave community a while back, and I'm wondering if you've ever heard of read "The Book of Pook", and if so, what you think about the book.

Btw, your "seduction is dead" post on your blog a while back really articulated what is truly wrong in the seduction community very well, and I'm really surprised you got a ton of backlash for it. I guess that's normal considering you're attacking their egos on such a large scale.


Thanks, and I don't know that book. But I will look it up as soon as this AMA ends.

I've been in the pickup community for about 3 years now, the game is one of the first books I read once I 'joined'. However, why did you oversell method's ,routines and all that bullshit. We all know picking up chicks is about confidence and you get confidence by fixing your life and facing your fears. Don't you feel you put half the people that read your book on a wrong start, sometimes paying thousands of dollars for things that aren't required or necessairy like bootcamps....?

I mostly, I hope, promote the $10 book I wrote after The Game. I think it has everything in it. Not going to mention the name to avoid plugging it.

And let's not forget: This all started for me when I put down $600 for a bootcamp with Mystery. Probably the best money I ever spent. So I'm grateful in that sense for the commercialism, because I wouldn't be doing this AMA if I hadn't originally put down that money for his bootcamp. But I hope I've never said one was required.

what are your opinions on alcohol and drugs? and what do you think about the journalist Hunter Thompson? I can imagine you take some inspiration from his hands-on style of journalism.

I'll quote the Marilyn Manson book here: It's the abusers who make the users book bad.

And read Thompson (esp Hell's Angels, even more than Fear & Loathing), though my favorite books are: Ulysses by James Joyce, Ask the Dust by John Fante, If on a Winter's Night by Italo Calvino, The Painted Bird by Jerzy Kosinski, Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut, The Basketball Diaries by Jim Carroll, and a bunch I'm forgetting.

Emergency was such an incredibly ambitious book. How did you even begin such a project? In all the time it took to put together, were there times you just wanted to scrap it or were you confident about how it would develop?

The researching originally started not for the book, but from just seeing where the world was heading and realizing I needed to be self-sufficient and couldn't depend on the government. The only time I wanted to give it up was when I started writing it and would hit walls. Happens with every book. So advice to anyone here: don't give up when you hit that wall, keep at it. When you want to give up the most is usually right before the breakthrough.


Start writing, anywhere, even for free. And best if you can get an editor who will give you feedback on you're writing.

Hey Neil, If you had to pick just ONE of your favorite PUA's who would it be and why? Any recommendations on picking up celebrities? Back in the day I used to run with Gypsy and Bravo. Ironically back in the day my friend and I also crashed a "fiming" of the vh1 show by mystery by repeatedly blowing out Simeon Moses (we were slightly mad at mystery the community was being shown to the world). Mental notes; I think Matador is gay. Jdog is the best pua I've seen in field.

These questions are so funny. It's such an evolutionary response, and why this community has so much in-fighting. I never cared about who was good or the best: just who I could learn from.

No questions, I just wanted to thank you for your book The Game. I read that and went from being consistently friend zoned to actually getting girls interested in me and now having a long term relationship. You rule man, keep up the good work.

Thank you, Tacticalpanda.

Hello Neil. I'm a giant fan. These books changed my life.

My question is, I always have a massive problem explaining the concepts in the game to my friends. That is their first reactions seem to be "OMG THIS IS EVIL". You seemed to have encountered this when you were on the view. But by the end of the interview the hosts seemed to be more receptive to the idea of the game. Is there something I can say right away to skip this doubt phase or is it just something I used to (haha).

Solution: Don't look for your friends' approval.

Would you do the Joe Rogan podcast?

For sure.

You should publish a book where you teach people to make mixtures of drugs that simulate human emotion. Then they can give them to women they want to attract. Ultimately, you're just getting these women to a point they want to get to, man. And your ability to make the drugs is just, like, an extension of your personality.

This sounds like a Philip K. Dick novel.

And I assume you're trying to make a funny, sarcastic point here. Well done.

  1. what did you learn from your breakup?

  2. how has your game evolved beyond annihilation?

  1. I learn something from every breakup. From that, I learned about my own behavior in relationships, and how when I see elements in someone's personality that are like one of my parents', I tend to start distancing myself from the relationship.

  2. That's an all-day answer.

Could you respond to the idea that the whole concept of game is a disservice.

One person encouraged to be manipulative and dishonest to get what they want while they never actually express their character. Being manipulative becomes a tool in their life and they slowly become an asshole.

The other person is, more obviously, victimized by the deceit.

I see what you're saying. Going to quote something I wrote a while ago on the subject:

So is this material manipulative? Of course it is. Every great romantic comedy begins with some sort of manipulation—even if it’s just a woman purposefully dropping something in front of the guy she wants to meet or a man pretending to be more successful than he actually is. As human beings, it’s our nature to manipulate. Even a baby crying is trying to manipulate his parents for milk or affection. The real question you should be asking when meeting a man isn’t, “Is he manipulating me?” but “Is he manipulating me with good intentions or bad ones?”
And if his intentions are good, you know what to do.

My BF read a ton of pick-up stuff. Honestly, it made him a better man

That is great to hear. Tell Gawker that. Just read their post on this AMA.

1) After reading The Game, I still want to start the process--maybe of not becoming a great PUA, but improving my interactions with women. Does the online community still exist, AKA where should I start "my journey" and interacting with great PUAs.

2) What's your favorite animal

  1. Don't want to plug anything, but there are plenty of forums. Try to find one not affiliated with a commercial product

  2. Serval cat

Hi Neil,

I created an account just to comment here... I just want to thank you for writing the Game and changing my life. As a young immigrant to Canada, I found it hard to penetrate into society and was developing a depressed outlook on life.

And I was so so in the women's department, I'd have women hit on me and it would go over my head, I read the game 2 years ago and thought I've messed up multiple pick ups, the woman that I bought roses for this morning is the girl of my dreams.

My question to you is: Do you think the game and the community have ruined a lot of good men out there? Opening doors, buying flowers, etc, these are all stereotypical nice guy things that lead to the friend zone, but if done right, lead into great relationships. I've seen the Game improve the lives of many, but make others bitter men who play women... they quit doing all the 'nice' things, the game has overtaken their lives. We need to strike a balance somehow, and our generation needs better male role models. What are your thoughts on that, and how we could combat this?

Oh well, enough of my rant, hope you read this.

Thanks anyways bud!

First of all, hope you stay here. Amazing thing happening here every day.

And here's the deal with all those nice guy things like buying roses:

Those are things you when you're IN a relationship with someone.

When you do those romantic things for someone who isn't YET attracted to you, it has the opposite effect--and in some cases even comes off creepy.

So the answer I hope is that it is helping men and women--helping them meet. That said, you're right that some guy do get lost, and go down the rabbit hole and become what i call social robots.

What do you think of the British author David Mitchell?

Haven't read him. But I take it that you let me know what to start with.

Not yet she doesn't

Good question KarmaKaiser.

Next question: Are you in a relationship with her?

Next question: Have you slept with her yet?

I read 'The Game' followed almost immediately by 'Emergency'. Both books impacted me personally by becoming more confident and aware of how many things I would still like to learn. Thank you for going out and having those experiences which of course makes me want to have them as well.

Did anyone ever find the hidden stash from Emergency??

Not yet, but a few people in this AMA have taken trips to look for it. Didn't think it would be so hard. So, in honor of the great questions here, I'll add the extra clue that someone requested earlier:

Not all numbers are coordinates.

Jesus. I had no idea this sort of ridiculous thing existed.

"In some instances, an AMOG can be befriended by paying him a compliment or by giving general respect. In this case, he may give the PUA permission to game any girls in his group, as long as she is not his girlfriend."

Most of the 'psychology' in this community seems equally focused on playing off both male and female insecurities. I can't believe anyone takes this seriously.

Neither can i. Ridiculous, when you really think about it.

I just need to say Thank You, you clever devil. I am no longer a PUA, but your advice helped me transition out of that godforsaken, desperation that I called the friend zone, and into a committed relationship where I beat out many other suitors by being the most magnetic.

Hope you read this, dont care if you dont. Either way, you are truly a guiding force. Thank you.

I think you won the game. Seriously, congratulations.

To depart from the PUA questions - I have not read the Skrillex interview and a quick search showed up with nothing - When/where will it be posted? How was Skrillex in person, anything really interesting to note? On that note - who is the most interesting person you have interviewed?

Hey, you are on your game. It's in the next issue of Rolling Stone. I liked him a lot: learned so much about him that I've never read anywhere (and a lot that was just wrong about him everywhere). We spent basically eight days together, so there was a lot to write about. Incredible, interesting, talented guy with a great attitude to life.

And everyone is interesting, but Chuck Berry was one of my favorites, just because he basically invented rock-and-roll, never does interviews, and really opened up about everything from losing his virginity to what really led to his unique country/blues/r&b meld.

What's your opinion on brutal honesty? eg: Girl - "Do i look fat in this dress?" Guy - "Yes"

Ever read the book Radical Honesty? Read that, or AJ Jacobs' article on the subject. Hilarious.

Neil, I have read your book, read forums and contributed to the community. Now this may seem all fine and normal just a guy experimenting. I'm fifteen, do you find it an issue that kids as young as I have access to this information and use it daily?

I do have an opinion: I'm jealous. Wish I'd found out about this stuff when I was fifteen. Then again, probably wouldn't have ended up as a writer, because I'd have a social life.

What's your love relationship situation now?

In a relationship.

What's your preferred approach these days for meeting women? Do you still champion false time constrints and opinion openers?

I previously your suggested routines, but I've since found that just very simple and direct works best for me. In fact, all of the boring things Mystery said not to ask ("interview questions") seem to work just fine in normal environments. "Hi, I thought you were cute and I wanted to meet you. So what are you doing at the mall today? Where are you from originally? I've got to get going, but I was wondering if you'd like to meet for a drink sometime? Cool, let's trade numbers then."

As long as you're getting results--and she sees you again when you call or text--then I suppose it doesn't matter what I think. I think for anyone, try everything, and do what works for you.

Hey Neil, big fan of the book. There's one subject I haven't seen a lot of questions about yet, and that's about the more sexual part of the game - fulfilling that exciting promise you set at the start of a set.

You mention that aside from experience, there's two occurrences that helped you massively. First was getting trained by a number of 'experts' (the way you describe it makes the ordeal sound near occult), second is your usual M.O.: Delving into books about the subject, and trying it out live.

So my questions to you;

Thanks in advance, in case you manage to make it to this question.

I think all the detail on all the training is in The Game.

And other game reading recommendations, the ones that influenced me the most to go deeper into this: Introducing NLP, Mastering Your Hidden Self, The Art of Seduction, Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, A book on evolution such as The Red Queen or Sperm Wars

Do you miss your "glory days" when you were at the peak of your game and single?

Who doesn't. But the sacrifice is worth the reward.

Do you still read Ulysses? Or did that habit die?

I've not actually read it yet, would you recommend it?

Not at all. Just read it earlier this year, with about 1000 guys on my mailing list, in a big group.

Actually, we started at 1000 guys. Only 20 made it to the end. Kind of like Odysseus' crew.

Hey Neil! Any plans on a Stern interview? If you do, please mention Reddit!

Do you mean another one? He's such a good interviewer--and interviewee.

Oh god here come all the losers of Reddit out of the woodwork.

You're here.

Hey Neil,

Loved "The Game" thought it was a fantastic read. I haven't got into the PUA community since it seems like everyone and their mother has their "own" system and techniques so its hard to sort through the bs. Always appreciated the people who encourage inner game as opposed to a bunch of routines. Since you're a lot of people's inspiration, who and what inspires you nowadays?

Thanks for doing the AMA!

Good question. What inspires me is always the next project.

And a lot of times, the people I meet along the way. in another thread, we discussed the Skrillex interview I did for Rolling Stone, and the way he treated and worked and had close relationships with everyone on his team was inspiring.

Also lately been getting into a very deep new branch of psychology, that I can't talk about because it's a small part of the next book.

just wanted to share a little pearl of wisdom from my boxing coach - he told us "look guys, there's no single right way to be a boxer - if you're hitting your opponent more than he's hitting you, you're doing it right! i'm just showing you what works best for most people".

thought that was applicable to pick up among a lot of other things.

Great quote.

Hi I would like to know as a PUA, what happens when you get older? Do you still go to bars and clubs and run jealous gf routine? Does Mystery still perform magic tricks for young chicks in bars?

I always think there should be a good "exit". As men get older (eg. in their mid 30s), hitting on a 20 yo girl feels weird, and it is hard to be attracted to women at your age. Wouldn't this be depressing?

Has there been a good exit for you, Mystery, or any other PUA you know?

I agree. "The loneliness of the aging pickup artist."

The exit is a relationship or a family, for most people.

Mystery has a daughter now.

And Tyler Durden has two children.

Though I suppose on one level, on never truly leaves--because ultimately the process is one of working on yourself, and that's continual.

Do you still keep in touch with Mystery?

What were your feelings when he landed The Pickup Artist on VH1?

Absolutely, talked to him today and may see him in Vegas this weekend.

And I was excited for him, and was invited to be on the show. We had parties at my house every week with Mystery and most of the cast to watch it, plus tons of their friends. So obviously, was supportive and excited for him. It fulfilled one of his own personal life goals.

What are 3 good mini-adventures/dates that have been successfully used by you in the past? I'm looking to create some new experiences.

Keep it simple for the first meeting. The lower the cost of commitment, the more likely someone is to buy.

The best thing to do is just to invite her along to something you're already planning on doing, like shopping for clothing or dinner with friends or trying a cool new bar someone told you about.

OFten, you can have a plan to go somewhere that is more adventurous for either the next time--or even later that night if things are going well. But planning out something too much for the first meeting, while romantic in reality shows, can come across as overly desperate or needy in real life.

Do you feel like women have started opening you open more with time, or do you still feel like you need to make more of an effort than a women to get her? I enjoy game, but afraid to be "chasing" my whole life, and want to get to a point where women open me. Was wondering if/when that happened in your evolution and whether you think that's the right or wrong mindset ...

You are the guy, and you have to make the first move and lead along the way.

Besides, the point of this is to have choice, rather than being chosen.

There are a lot of guys who come to learn who look like models, but are learning this because they want the opportunity to be with the person they are most interested in or attracted to.

Thanks, Neil. Loved 'The Game'. Not a PUA, more like a PUH(obbyist), but I appreciate your insights all the same. Rock on, man.

I like that acronym!

Hi Neil, big fan. I recently read Emergency and thought it was great. I often dismissed these survivalist types as nuts until I thought how I'd want them on my side if things went to hell in a handbasket. 2 Questions: 1) How has your opinion on firearms changed since you wrote the book? 2) In your opinion, do you ever see a total collapse of society where you will need to actually uncover your caches and utilize your training?

That's a loaded question (ouch). Answer is:

  1. I think it's a skill that I'm really glad I learned, and I continue to learn. On the other hand, the biggest threat to people is often themselves. So I'm loathe to ever recommend it to anyone.

  2. Not a total collapse, but definitely disasters and hard times. it's part of life. And I've already used a lot of my training, because shit happens.

Ultimately, I think the ultimate compromise is to expect the best and prepare for the worst. And to not sacrifice your own quality of life out of fear.

How can you justify continuing to push neuro-linguistic programming when all serious science has found it to be entirely without merit or evidence?

To back this up:

A research committee working for the United States National Research Council led by Daniel Druckman came to two conclusions. First, the committee "found little if any" evidence to support NLP's assumptions or to indicate that it is effective as a strategy for social influence. "It assumes that by tracking another's eye movements and language, an NLP trainer can shape the person's thoughts, feelings, and opinions (Dilts, 1983). There is no scientific support for these assumptions."

The term "Neuro-linguistic programming" has been characterized as pseudo-scientific. Witkowski (2010) writes that "NLP represents pseudoscientific rubbish, which should be mothballed forever." Roderique-Davies (2009) states that "neuro" in NLP is "effectively fraudulent since NLP offers no explanation at a neuronal level and it could be argued that its use fallaciously feeds into the notion of scientific credibility". Witkowski (2010) also states that at the neuronal level NLP provides no explanation at all and has nothing in common with academic linguistics or programming. Similarly, experimental psychologist Corballis (1999) in his critique of lateralization of brain function (the left/right brain myth), states that "NLP is a thoroughly fake title, designed to give the impression of scientific respectability".

According to Witkowski (2010), NLP also appears on “the list of discredited therapies” published in the Journal of Professional Psychology: Research and Practice. ... [I]t is listed as “certainly discredited” in *Evidence-based practices in addiction treatment: review and recommendations for public policy (Fala et al. 2008 as cited by Glasner-Edwards and Rawson, 2010).

Do I push it? I actually usually say the opposite at book signings when someone asks.

I didn't find it worked for me in attraction, though some of the principles were useful for some of my own development.

Thanks for teaching me how to pick up girls. Even though I gotta dress like a douche, but hey, it works.

You dress like a vaginal bulb syringe?

You're book really helped me improve myself and I would like to thank you for that. I typed out this whole long question for you but then realized that what it boils down to is: I don't want to change who I am just to pick up women. Cocky-funny, for example, is just not me. During your experience of evolving into a pua (and I don't mind if your friends answer here) was there ever a time when you felt uncomfortable with you had become? And if so, how did you deal with this?

Absolutely. That's part of it. Like learning anything, you start out trying what works for other people, then eventually learn what works for you.

Neil, you've gotten me laid many times (I'm now engaged).

I hooked up the first time I tried with a woman whose family owns a chain of Mercedes dealerships around Atlanta (first try). Thanks! I didn't follow everything written, but it was good to understand the woman psyche a lot better.

Congrats on your engagement. And sometimes all it takes is a small piece of insight or to know something's possible or just one change in understanding, and everything comes together.

I remember listening to you on Howard Stern, any updates with you and your girlfriend? (He revealed on air that his girlfriend had problems getting wet if I remember correctly)

The update is: I probably had to use everything I learned in The Game to save the relationship and start sleeping with her again. And in the end was a good thing, because it got the issue out into the open and actually solved.

Emergency was a good read but you should have spared the goat.

I know. I know.

Hey Neil, just wished to say that I loved reading "Everybody Loves You When You're Dead". I think that its message is quite relevant with regards to Whitney Houston's recent passing. I was wondering what your thoughts are on the phenomena of celebrity, having hung around with so many notables, how do you think it generally affects the existence of people trying to live so-called everyday lives within the context of being famous? Also I'm curious as to what you thought the best album of 2011 was. Hope you're well.

I thought of that as well.

And it does effect their existence: But I notice it's more the ATTITUDE they bring to their lives than the actual CELEBRITY that affects their day-t0-day life. When I met Bruce Springsteen, for example, he walked around New York in the afternoon totally casual and unaffected.

Neil, thanks for doing the AMA. Also a personal thank you as I have written you a couple of emails that you have responded too personally. Very cool.

Question about a "quality problem".

I really don't have trouble attracting women at this point. Matter of factly, it seems to almost get me into trouble more often than not without me even trying anymore.

The problem becomes when I end up meeting a girl I actually think is pretty cool. I wouldn't say I really do anything differently. I act pretty much the same, the sex is still great etc. But it seems as though lately, I can't get a girl to register much of an attraction to me beyond something purely sexual.

It's kind of a "Welp, that was really awesome, but I'm going to go back to my ex bf now." This happens so often it's maddening. Any thoughts?

Interesting problem. I think now it's about working on the other sides of your personality: your ability to emotionally and intellectually connect with women. I feel there's more to this--and what you project and what you actually really want--than can be examined in a high-speed AMA.

And speaking of AMAs, we're not doing too good on the second A here.


Yes, don't insult them.

Hey Neil, I asked about bacon yesterday but there doesn't seem to be any. I am disappoint.

However, of all the stars you've interviewed which one was the coolest. Like, the sort of person you wanted to be?

I think I haven't wanted to be any of them: The fun is getting to enter their world, and then getting to LEAVE.

Hi Neil, I remember hearing you mention that you would be interested in meeting the guru of Long Term Relationships. I have been practicing elements of the pick up arts in my marriage and I wanted to introduce myself. I am curious to know if you have explored or have further insight on modified techniques for supporting Long Term Relationships. Happy Valentines Day :)

Also, Skrillex recently commented that his favorite song was Flim by Aphex Twin. This seemed to cause a backlash among his fans who were disappointed the song did not feature a sick bass drop. Can you comment on the dialectic tension, if any, between Skrillex and his fans?

I asked him about that, and how everyone was saying "where's the drop." His answer was that the fans who respond to something on Facebook don't represent the majority of fans out there.

And absolutely on relationships, but the truth is, when you're in a relationship, what comes out often stems from one's relationships with primary caregivers growing up, so the quick tricks are not as effective as the deeper, slower change work.

And email at manofstyle, and would love to hear more.

Hi Neil! As a girl who was trying to improve myself at the same time that "The Game" was popular amongst everyone I knew, I read it, and realized that my whole life I've been brushing off people who were interested in me as some sort of mix-up. Coming to that realization had a big impact on where I am romantically now, so I just wanted to say thanks.

That is exactly what I was hoping for women who read the book. I actually wrote it as much for women as for men, for that exact reason. Great to hear!

enough about "the game" that book was meh, the real book is "Emergency."

read the book and really enjoyed it. Have you done any more preparation or learned any new tricks? could you tell some stories from your urban survival lessons? any tips on where to learn more? (besides conventions in mexico)

I wouldn't go to most of Mexico right now--it'll really put your survival training to the test.

And I stayed in the search and rescue team, and became their training officer for a while. Did all kinds of continued prep. Right now, the urban survival guys are actually in LA doing an off-grid medicine course. Great guys to learn from.

Also, added 50 extra pages of survival info and tips to the ebook of Emergency when it comes out. Felt the book needed more of that.

whats your opinion on David DeAngelo's skills? Have you ever saw him infield?

I've seen him in relationships with great women, and now married, so something's working...

If you and mystery are so great, how come you guys can't keep from getting dumped by your girlfriends?

Is there no magic tricks to counteract getting told "We need to talk" by your GF?

Yes, in fact most guys are always using the same magic trick for this: disappearing.

And there's a difference between getting dumped and a relationship ending. Not all relationships should last forever.

Niel, you are the man!!! Thanks to you and Mystery, I have had more female ass than a public toilet seat in times square. I made it my duty to share the your secrets, although evolved, to the less fortunate. RESPECT!! Long live the game!!!

Hope you kept it wrapped!

Hi Neil,

I'm not a PUA (and hope never to be), but am reading The Game with a grain of salt per page, no offense, for sake of perspective.

I've run into a specific situation and would appreciate Celebrity PUA advice: I really hit it off with a girl recently, but slightly drunken and enjoying the moment, I actually forgot to "close" as you'd call it. HOWEVER, her best friend/roommate somehow slipped me her number! I want to pursue girl #1 without offending girl #2, but my only lifeline is girl #2's phone number. Brief advice?

Have a small dinner party or party at a bar. And by party, it's just a gathering of 6 or more people (no cost for that). And invite them both.


Have you seen what I looked like before?

And it's not like girls ever found "nerdy music critics" hot (until maybe Chuck Klosterman).

You mentioned how you read about cold reading, massages and many other skills. Which books do you think were the most useful for progressing as a PUA?

Answered in another thread. Also see

(I know, the sign in thing is annoying, working on it.)

How cool was it being in the video for "Sexx Laws"?

Good catch. It was ironic, because it was before The Game, then I ended up in being in these "men's groups" we were making fun of. And also cool to "act" alongside the ridiculously talented Jack Black.


Thanks. It is incredible: have tried so many of those personality tests, and the Cube seems to be really accurate.

hey man, cats or dogs?

small dogs or big dogs?

wolves or bears?

giraffes or zebras?

lions or tigers?

vampires or werewolves?

zombies or ninjas?

Dogs Small dogs, but quiet ones Definitely bears Giraffes all the way Vampires, for sure And zombie ninjas

Hey Neil,

How did you get into writing? How did you land your gig at RS? What are some good books you recently read?

Always wanted to write. Even since, i think, I started reading Hardy Boys books in second grade.

Last book I read and loved (but don't recommend this for everyone) was Celine's Journey to the End of the Night. Dark, hilarious, genius.

I'm on my phone between classes but hopefully this won't get buried:

How did you get started in journalism? How did you make your way to the Rolling Stone? Any advice to a soon to be college grad looking to (roughly) emulate your career as a journalist/author?

Got it.

And it was an internship during college that got me started. Hey, if you're willing to work for free, there's no end to the amount of people who will be willing to exploit you.

Seriously, best way to get experience. And once I was writing for that small magazine (called Ear, R.I.P.), then I started writing for a slightly bigger one, then slightly bigger, until eventually Rolling Stone.

So advice for you is: internships, and be willing to pay your dues and do the hard work and put in the Gladwellian 10,000 hours.

How big is your penis, and does it help?

It's not the size, it's the width.

Just wanted to say thank you. I never struggled with women because I was cocky funny, but reading the game and then going to Lair meetings I started to internalize certain things and meeting a lot of people there helped show me what I didn't want to be like. Whenever we go out we focus on having a great time and applying certain aspects that we learned. One of the mistakes I see new people do is just focus on 100% on material they have learned and they fail because they are not having a blast and women definitely see that. Also, I look forward to reading your upcoming interveiw with Skrillex. America.

Great to hear. And so true: ultimately, on the approach, everyone is out to have fun, so if you can help them have more fun, it's going to go easily. Guys do make the mistake, and I'm glad you brought it up, of studying this stuff and then going out and applying it like it's work. Anyway, congrats, and thanks.


No, they only prevented me from THINKING I could hook up with a girl.

What kind of toilet paper do You use?


Have you found another woman that likes the "indents" in the side of your head? Do you still surf?

Ha, when they say that, now I think they're just saying it because they read the book. And I try to surf every day--except today, because I'm here.

Hi Neil --

If you could tell everyone who read The Game just one additional fact using what you've learned since then, what would it be?

Thanks -- great answers, so far =)

How about four:

Rule one of AA: Life is fun if you open your mouth.

Rule two: You’re always in the field.

Rule three: We miss 100 percent of the shots we don’t take.

Rule four: The only failure is not approaching


I don't think that's negging, I think that's being an idiot and a creep--and possibly actually assaulting you if I understand your post correctly.

And I am working on the female version of The Game. No pouncing involved.

What's the status of SLA? Do you still run it? Never saw you posting on the private foruns. I've subscribed for a month and the missions seems to be old and the most of the coachs are no longer in SLA(like Bravo). Besides the Stylelife Challenge 2012 (congrats on this one, I liked it), I haven't see anything new. Even the FR are pretty same old-same old. So, I'd like to hear from you were is it going. Also, I'd love to know some nice books like the cube, and stuff. Ah, I forgot to say... thank you for saving me from the afc life (and thanks for trying to understand my crappy and creepy english).

Not sure what you mean by old missions. Learning is learning. It's not like when you're learning to play basketball, people complain about doing old drills instead of new ones. The basics are the basics. But hey, if you're not happy or benefitting, try something else. And glad I could get you out of AFC life. Good luck on the journey! And don't put yourself down--your English is perfect!

If you had to pick a celebrity to be your wingman, who would you choose?

Megan Fox. It's about the social proof.

Neil, I don't have a question. Just wanted to say fuck the haters and thank you for helping me work on my inner-self. That is all.

Actually, not that many haters. This has been great. But, sure, let's fuck them. And keep up the good work on yourself!

After The Game and Emergency, are you working on another story/book in that writing style?

Yes! Thanks for asking: this one's an even tougher challenge and world.

Hey Neil,

Just wanna say thanks. Your AMA has been up for a while now, so this is probably gonna get buried, but it's worth saying. Reading The Game was a big part of what started my journey into self-development, and by extension, happiness and confidence. Now I know these compliments on a book from seven years ago probably get old, but it was extremely important to me.

So, yeah.

Thanks, Neil. You're a good guy.



Not yet. Trying to get to as much as I can in the last 12 minutes. And thanks for the cool words: it sounds like you got it and took exactly the right path. Respect!


Yes, almost all ignore all the praise and focus on the negativity. Even if they don't admit that or say the opposite at first. And, for many, that starts to eat away inside them, and even sadly negate the great feelings they should have for all their important contributions to the culture. That's why I ended up choosing Everyone Loves You When You're Dead as the title.

I read the Game in 2010 and really liked the story. It made me chuckle because back in 2004 a girl did the cube routine on me and afterward I remember wanting her to go away. I ended up banging her 5 years later.

My question: was there any erotic tension between you and Heidi Fleiss? I wonder what type of men she's into.

No one's asked that before. I suppose there must have been some small glimmer, due to the nature of the competition. And watch that documentary on her to see the type of men she's into. Appears to be rich sociopaths. I'm sensing you have a thing for tough older women. (Even the girl with the cube you returned to when she was older.) Hmm.

repost at your request because you probably lost it- I completed the 30 day challenge just over a week ago. On day 4 I got a number and f-closed on day 5. This chick has now spent thousands of dollars on me but she's an obvious psycho. How do I get rid of her without risking her doing something crazy? BTW 30 day challenge worked for me. I am sarging 3-4 times a week now. Thank you Neil.

She is obsessed with trying to make me her BF. I have made it clear that I am dating other women.

I think you have to rip off the Band-Aid. Tell her you have no plans on having a gf right now and you can tell this situation is causing her anxiety right now and not leaving her free to see other guys, so it's probably best to cut off communication for now until "we both get over each other." Then to reconnect as friends. Answer all texts for a day or two to make sure all questions are answered, then stick with this. Don't get weak or selfish, and see her or sleep with her or even respond to something she's trying to provoke you with. Eventually she'll move on--and hopefully get some help.


I absolutely think it helps and starts the journey--though one has to understand first about their own upbringing and attachment style. Not sure if it can help if you don't understand yourself and your behaviors and your family of origin first. Good insight.

Is it strictly coincidence that you're here on Valentines day?

Or are you not so subtly telling me "I'm the one who got you laid today, keep buying my books"

I just thought it would be an appropriate day to do it.

But, yes, that is what I was telling YOU.


In that case, i will offer you 1/3 of a congratulations!


Said earlier, but in short, NLP is useful for working on yourself, but not necessary to study to master the game. Useful concepts though. Read Joseph O'Connor Introducing NLP, and that's probably enough.

Personally, I think Tyler has benefitted from the "Bad-Boy" image that he's gotten.

That's what I was going to say. They've said it's brought them a lot of business.

And I had a discussion with Herbal about this. i think time heals all wounds, and one forgets things that actually happened. Though I was taking notes as it happened, so makes it harder to polish or selectively remember later.

I posted in seddit, but this seems to be where you're hanging out now, so I'll repost:

Here are some examples of sleazy's work:

The Final Word on Indirect Game (Hopefully)

Pick-Up is not a Video Game

Another example of this "anti-game" mentality:

How Sleazy is a Good Example.

I honestly thought it was more pervasive than just Sleazy, but every link I remember ends up being from him. Huh. Either way, it really impacts me, what he writes, and I'm not sure how to deal with the disparity.

Wow, don't have time to go to those links. But what I did was try everything (that wasn't obviously illegal, harmful to others, and hard to myself), and stuck with either what worked or what I felt would work once I got better at it.

And do you mean transitioning from meeting into a friendship, or from dating/hooking-up into just a friendship?

This is my first reddit post ever...

Do you have ADD?

Since it's your first, it merits an answer. No, I don't.

I really loved The Dirt. Very entertaining book even though i'm not a fan of Mötley Cruë.

My question is, what you wrote is obviously only based of memories from the band members, who according to their own account have been drunk and drugged out of their minds 24/7 since birth, how accurate do you think their recollection of memories actually are?

Good point. Even for people who weren't in that condition, memory isn't perfect. (Read Rashomon.) That's why I told so many of the stories from the perspective of all 4 guys (and sometimes a fifth observer), so the reader could find the truth in the middle.

I might be late to this, but how would you apply skills you gain in pua community towards other areas like a job search or building artistic skills?

Exact same: applies to everything in life that involves social interaction. Have been brought in to teach this stuff to everyone from businesses to government intelligence to charities using the game to increase donations and build relationships with donors.

somehow ended up as the international spokesperson for pickup artists after writing The Game

sold 365 copies of The Annihilation Method at $4000 a piece.

Kern is a brilliant marketer and I hope after his take you were left with a cool gross $mil. But the "somehow" reaks of a bit of insincere modesty when you know the whole affair has given you a permanent shit eating grin second to only Hugh Hefner's. Not that there's anything wrong with that. You brilliant bastard.

OK, fine, I'll actually ask a real question which is probably the one you're dying to answer and the real reason you're here: when's the movie coming out?

Anyway... "Respect." The book did change my life for the better.

I'll stick with the question here: Supposedly they'll be doing it this year. We'll see. Never sure these things happen til they start shooting. Though wish a better-looking guy was playing me... (great actor though).

This interview was transcribed from an "ask me anything" question and answer session with Neil Strauss conducted on Reddit on 2012-02-14. The Reddit AMA can be found here.