Jimmy Kimmel

February 24, 2012

AMA JIMMY KIMMEL... online now for your enjoyment

I must go back to work now. But before I go, allow me to Rampart the shit out of "Jimmy Kimmel Live: After the Academy Awards" Sunday night on ABC featuring Coldplay, Clooney, Streep, Hanks, Aniston & many more and my special guest Oprah (Winfrey). Thanks - it was mostly fun

[No question]

My favorite guest will be Oprah when she sits beside me on Sunday night after the Academy Awards

What's your favourite memory from Win Ben Stein's Money?

Ben taking naps during every commercial break

Hi Jimmy. How do you get yourself to look so handsome everyday?

it's a team effort.

If you could have a song play when you walk into a room, what would it be?

this actually does happen to me, most every night

What did you think of Die Antwoord?

they remind me of myself at that age

is eminem as awkward as he seems, or does he loosen up backstage?

believe it or not, he's a friendly guy

Who comes up with the tasks you ask your audience to do and film? i.e the bad christmas gifts

the writers and I - and occasionally, we get good suggestions from twitter followers

Have you ever heard about Rampart?

my publicist says you should definitely see Rampart.

How big are Adam Carolla's eyebrows in real life?

I believe you mean eyeBROW - there's only one of them. they're substantial

why doesnt cousin sal drink?

if you met him, you'd know

What's your favorite ice cream flavor?


I saw your friend Adam Carolla do a show in Durham, NC and he told a story about your house, a football game, and Tom Cruise.

Is Adam full of shit, or did that really happen? You asked him (Adam) to do his 'touch down' dance that involved him pretending to shit out a football. In front of Tom and his Mom haha ... oh and did Tom really bring cupcakes AND his mother to your house... for a football game?

except for the cupcakes, it happened.

Can you please acknowledge my existence?

consider yourself acknowledged

Will you ever bring back Celebrity Barbershop Quartet (or, at least, Celebrity in a Box)?

I forgot about that. It turns out that most celebrities object to being trapped in a box

What are you famous for originally?

my love of dance

Are you a hockey fan ? If so, what's your favorite NHL team ?

yep. LA Kings

Just wanted to let you know. I am from Germany and never saw your show live on TV, but still I watch all the YT videos that get posted. If I were able to see your show it would be my favorite by far. Enjoy the views and laughs I always have.

Greetings from Germany

as they say in Germany, gracias!

Have you been face-to-face with Leno since you portrayed him during the E! Michael Jackson trial or during the parody show during Conangate? Has he responded to you personally about it?

yes - that was many years ago. We've had a number of uncomfortable moments since then

Have you been face-to-face with Leno since you portrayed him during the E! Michael Jackson trial or during the parody show during Conangate? Has he responded to you personally about it?

yes - that was many years ago. We've had a number of uncomfortable moments since then

Have you been face-to-face with Leno since you portrayed him during the E! Michael Jackson trial or during the parody show during Conangate? Has he responded to you personally about it?

no and no

What's your favourite meme?

I'm enjoying the cinnamon challenges

Did you rig Uggie's choosing the Oscar winners?


Describe Andy Milonakis in 5 words.

very very very very weird

Does Adam really complain that much?

more even

Who's worse at paying back bets, Adam Carolla or Bill Simmons?

Carolla. No contest

Will Mindy Kaling ever been on your show?

I hope so. Like her a lot

Do you have a copy of Tall Jon's birthday tribute video? It's been removed from youtube.

I do not

What was your weirdest and/or most random experience with the show?

taking a picture last night with die antwoord and Huey Lewis (together) last night was right up there near the top.

Will there be a Juggy Reunion???

what would be sadder than that?

Was that flashing video staged, or did that woman feel compelled to do that on her own?

not only did she do it on her own - she did it three times


thank you

please jimmy invite will ferrel and john c. to your show

Will will be here soon.... (or) will Will be here soon?

You host parties for Howard Stern. Does everyone that attends hope that Howard talks about them on the Stern show? Who are some people that attended that you were very surprised to see? Any other good stories about Howard in California?

Most people hope he DOESN'T

Did you prefer The Man Show or Jimmy Kimmel Live?

Crank Yankers was the most fun of all of them

Any chance that we'll ever see a reincarnation of The Man Show with you and/or Adam Carolla?


Do you ever think about the fact that you are on late at night and at any given time there are probably 1000's of people fornicating with you on in the background?


How many years have u been doing jimmy kimmel live?


Recently you popularity has gone up, and "people on the internet" seem to like you more than they did 5 years ago. Do you think this change has come from you changing your style or just people warming up to you?

You'd probably know better than me. I hope you're right, I really don't know

Hi, Jimmy. Will you hire me to be your sidekick, I will get you coffee and be snarky to everyone else that isn't you.

probably, yes

What's your favorite non-show biz/not TV related moment with Carolla? Meaning, your favorite story about you two just hanging out as friends outside of the Man Show and your other various entertainment ventures together. Love your work, btw.

honestly, I don't know anyone who - day in and out is funnier than Adam, with the possible exception of my cousin Sal

Do you miss LOST as much as I do? :(

I miss Lost terribly

Why did the Man Show end!? I miss its splendor and glory... and girls on trampolines.

we wanted to go out before it became pathetic.

Have you ever watched Biodome?


What would Karl Malone say about Reddit?

he would probably mistake it for canned whipped cream

Have you ever had a norwegian guest on your show?

probably, but I am not sure

The "Jimmy Kimmel Told Me To..." segment is genius! Which one is your favorite and who came up with the idea to do it?

hard to top the kids and the Halloween candy

What guest have you always wanted on your show, but still have not yet to get?

Letterman. Bill Murray. Steve Martin...for starters


great for me, terrible for John Stamos

Is Guillermo as awesome as he seems on TV?

triple it. Hung out with him for 3 hours last night. He is funny

How was Ben Affleck in bed?

rough, but tender

Jimmy, should the NFL expand its schedule to 18 regular season games? 20? Another playoff round? Are you committed to hosting parties on those new gamedays? (source: Ace's Podcast)

absolutely not. enough already

Why do you apologize to Matt Damon about running out of time at the end of every show? I never fully understood that.

I don't understand it either.

Paper or Plastic?

I prefer paper, but always feel too guilty to ask for it

What was your favorite bit to do on The Man Show?

the Q&A segment with Adam at the end of the show

What is it like meeting these super famous people. Do you ever get star struck? If you do, who was the last person you were starstruck by?

I met Oprah on Monday. She spent an hour in my bathtub.

If you are a hotdog, would you eat yourself?

all men would

Jimmy, you should host the ESPY's with Lebron again! You guys were an awesome tandem.

apparently I am too edgy for the ESPYs. They edited about half of my monologue out of the broadcast

what do you do when there's a really boring guest on the show? I remember james franco, all he did was talk about hi acting classes or something, couldnt even crack a joke.

I laugh nervously at everything they say

What is the biggest thing you hate about Matt Damon?

his stupid face

When you were younger did you ever imagine your life being how it is right now?

I often ask myself that question. Suffice it to say, I did not.

I was a huge fan of Uncle Frank and it was very sad to see him pass. Your tribute to him was very touching. Could you tell us a story about him that has never been told before? Be it funny or sad or anything! You're awesome Jimmy!

thank you - yesterday was the six month anniversary of his death. We still miss him terribly. almost everything he did was funny.

You gave Howard Stern a portrait of him and Beth that he only hangs in his home when you come to visit. How much does this hurt your feelings?

I'm sorry they don't like it, but stand by the fact that it is a fine piece of art. I do appreciate the fact that Howard waited until we were on TV to tell me he didn't like it. That is why I love him

Name a historical figure who you would love to have a beer with

Kurt Vonnegut (does he count as historical yet?)

How are you? I feel like no one asks that of anyone. Also, can you sign my ass?

fine and sure

How do you get to work?

I drive.

What was your favorite part of having Lady Gaga on your show again? Anything surprise you about her? Also, more Cousin Sal please! He and my BFF Guillermo are comedy gold.

she talked to my parents (who just "happened" to be sitting outside her dressing room) for 45 minutes after the show. That is a kindness I won't forget

Hey, I heard you were a Sun Devil for a while. What was your favorite story about Arizona State!

There was a guitar player who led sing-alongs at a bar called The Wherehouse. We'd drink pitchers of beer and sing along, then end each night at the Amigo Room at Denny's

Are you and Conan good pals?

I met Conan only once, but found him to be very nice and very funny

Have you ever seen a naked lady?

once. it was AWESOME. she had all the parts

What's your favorite television series at the moment?

Breaking Bad

Who would win in a fight, you or Adam?

he'd kill me

Why don't you ever go on Adam's podcast dude?

I've been on it many times. I did the first one


that really depends on the bird

I just want to ask you this:

What do you know about Morocco?

what DON'T I know about Morocco?

Have you ever had a guest on your show that you've absolutely hated interviewing?


Does anyone else find it disturbing that more and more celebs are whoring themselves out on Reddit for attention? Why is it ok for them to drop in out of NOWHERE and beg us for attention with a sad IAMA? I am reminded of the Woody Harrelson fiasco and I shudder in disgust. Jimmy Kimmel are you plugging a movie you are in or something or just shamelessly trying to grasp for ratings by luring defenseless redditors into your proverbial van I.e. your show.

I'm not asking anyone for anything. I had fun doing this last time, so when I asked, I agreed to do it again. That's all.

Selfish question. I swear I saw you at an airport in Naples Italy in June 2004. Could it be true?


If someone with no background wants to get into hosting or other TV spots in LA, what advice would you give them starting out about the proper way to cusp and stroke?

there are a lot of ways to go. I think the best way now is to make web videos. If they're really good, someone will notice you eventually

Were the Bill "The Fox" Foster's abilities exaggerated on the show or was he really that much of a beast?

he was amazing - there is a video we made online called "The Legend of the Fox" - look for it

Jimmy!!!! I went to Kenny Guinn in Vegas as well!!! I wanted to know where in Vegas you lived when you were there. I lived near Fort Apache and Desert Inn. Sorry if you can't remember since you're old now

and to all those wondering, yes Jimmy is a legend there now (not so much when I was there during Man Show days hahaha)

I lived right down the street from Guinn

Have you ever seen a monkey IN PERSON? If so, how was it?

I have seen many monkeys and am never disappointed

Me and my wife are expecting a baby. We don't know if its a boy or girl, but will you name it? :D

my brother had a baby this morning and considered naming her "Jaundice"

I've a sharp and throbbing pain just below my left knee (no arrow jokes intended). Why no one believed me that the pain came out of nowhere?

because you complain too much and, quite frankly, we're all getting tired of your bullshit


this made me laugh

How many times has John Krasinski tried to break into your home?

3 - and he has been successful each time

Did you really get bit by a snake or was it staged?


it was a robot snake

Who makes a better pizza, you or Chris Bianco?

no man makes a better pizza than Chris Bianco

Do you ever watch your own Jimmy Kimmel Live episodes after you tape them? I always picture tv show hosts going to a film room with their producers/writers afterwards to break down the film similar to how football teams do, with laser pointers and slow motion shots at different camera angles.

almost never

Jimmy-Your tribute to Uncle Frank was one of the saddest yet heartwarming things ever broadcasted on television. What was your favorite moment with him?

I loved to watch him argue with my Aunt Chippy. I have hours of videotape of them fighting. Every Easter, I would instigate something

Is is crazy that I want to go on a date with Octomom?

yes. it is

You were on Marc Maron' WTF not too long ago. How was your experience?

it was a great conversation.

Saw you mention Crank Yankers being the funnest show you did. I'm of the opinion that DAG's Truth call to the sports store is the funniest bit to come off there. What's your favorite?

probably Spoonie Luv's call to the florist

I just want you to know that when I was in labor and giving birth I requested to watch your show in the delivery room. It was 8 years ago, Snoop was on, and it was a lovely distraction. So thank you!

wow! very cool

Is Dicky Barrett the coolest guy in the world?

coolest white guy

Today, I watched the episode of Entourage that you were in. You approach Vince Chase at a party and ask him to be on the show. Have things like this happened in reality? Where you walk up to someone you want to be on the show and ask them to be on?


So I have to ask... Is your middle name actually Batman?

it is, yes

Can you please acknowledge my existence? (Me Too)


Fuck you Jimmy Kimmel.

Thats all.


Would you rather:

A) Be forced to do your show 24/7 for the rest of your life


B) Be attacked by Gary Busey once, for 15 minutes


First of all, prove you are Jimmy Kimmel.. Secondly, on your TV programmes Youtube channel, why do you split the videos so short? Is it to make 3 times the money off of the same content? Just wondering as youtube would allow you to upload the entire show with no splitting needed.


because of union rules, the videos can't go over 5 minutes

No questions Jimmy, just love your work! :)_

thanks Peekaboodles

Have you ever been to Handy Market in Burbank on Saturdays, and tried their Tri-Tip sandwiches? I know Leno goes there...

I have indeed. Many times

Last time you did an AMA, somebody asked you what your favorite obscure movie quote was. You responded, "Let's go to a motel. We don't have to do anything - we could just swim."

For the love of all that is holy, WHAT MOVIE IS THIS FROM????

The One and Only

Hey fuck-wad, love your show. What's up with Carolla these days?


Your tapings are really fun. Just thought I'd toss that out there.

I know the whole actual-bar-in-the-concert-area thing only lasted for about five minutes. Talk about the reasoning behind even keeping the bar from the old El Capitan.

we built that bar ourselves.

Your set at the Roast of Flavor Flav was the funniest I've seen, any chance you'll do another?

probably sometime - if the roastee is someone I know very well. The roasts have become a bit too random for me

Was the Handsome Men's Club filmed if different parts as the actors became available, or were they all on set together?

it was shot in many different pieces. we have a good one set for our post-Oscar show this Sunday too

What do you think of Rampart?

I get it...I get it

Do you and Terry Bradshaw really hate each other?

I love Terry. He is one of the craziest employed people I've ever met

How do I know you are the real Jimmy?

how do any of us know anything....

Dave Dameshek. Yay or Nay?


Hi Jimmy, huge fan. Do you still hang out with Andy Milonakis? You guys going to do anything together again?

Andy lives in my attic.

Hey Jimmy, I'm a long time fan (I even named my pet walrus after you), I had a quick question: What's it like bringing shame to comedy central by being the most unfunny turd anyone has ever seen on TV and filling my already forlorn and lonely nights with even more sadness?

it's surprisingly satisfying!

I noticed when you have a guest who is kind of nervous or shy, you handle it a lot better than any of the other late night talk show hosts. Do you feel for them or do you just think it's kind of funny?

I feel for them. It is nerve-wracking to do a talk show. You have 7 minutes to be funny. Sometimes it feels like speed dating

Is cousin Sal really your cousin?

he is. His father and my mother are brother and sister

why are you always squinting? are you still close with adam?

I don't know why I squint. I can't help it. And yes, I am

Ive heard you love pizza. I also love pizza. However, i am poor :( Whats your recommendation on a cheap, yet delicious pizza?

steer clear of the chains, find a good local place, and reward them with your loyalty

For someone who talks for a living you're answers are pretty short and boring.

EDIT: I'm an asshole and can't spell. Hooray!


Let me start by saying I grew up on The Man Show and was devastated when you and Adam Carolla were replaced by those two ass-clowns. My question is how much of the writing process do you take part in these days? I'd imagine it's pretty hard to dedicate time to coming up with comedic gold if you have to constantly please Ben Affleck.

I am very involved in every word of every script

what was your last purchase from Costco?

I was there on Saturday, primarily to buy wine

Why does your skin color vary from orange face to white hands? That seems like something you would make fun of snookie for or something. Either way you're my favorite show these days :)

because I prefer not to wear makeup on my hands.

Have you seen Woody Harrelson's new movie Rampage?

poor Woody....maybe next time I'll have him do this with me

Have you ever been censored by trying to "be too real"? in the sense that you wanted to tell the American public something that you know, being a very iconic person who knows a lot of 'behind the scenes stuff' as far as what the average working american would know, but was told by the network that it would be too much for them to handle. Okay, conspiracy theorist statement to the max, but here is where my question stems from: I have a tucked away dream that if I were ever to become the president, I would learn everything that's right with American, and everything that's wrong with america, and shut myself in the oval office with a Camera that broadcasts to the entire nation and tell them whatsup on the for real real. I guess I'm just wondering If you've ever been censored for trying to be too real with your audience?

I say what I want to say. As long as I don't curse, ABC is OK with it

Personal pizza chef? Explain. We're you raised on our good NY pizza, and then desired something better than the bullshit they have in LA?

Also, why not show Howard around the party? That way he won't go on air and talk about how he didn't recognize anyone.

that was a joke made by Howard about my friend Chris Bianco. I am my own personal pizza chef. I am from Brooklyn and have been a pizza snob since I was a little kid

why are you funnier on the internet than you are on television?

because when I'm on TV, I know that Jesus is watching.

This interview was transcribed from an "ask me anything" question and answer session with Jimmy Kimmel conducted on Reddit on 2012-02-24. The Reddit AMA can be found here.